


Playing It Cool

by poetdameron



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Alternate Universe - Sex Workers, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Big Dick Madej, Blow Jobs, Bottom Ryan, Comedy, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Enthusiastic Bottom Ryan, Enthusiastic Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Implied Switching, M/M, Masturbation, Porn Star AU, Riding, Rimming, Safe Sane and Consensual, Top Shane, sex comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 11:40:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17446280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: Ryan needs a new roommate, Shane needs a new place. They both work in the film industry, like the same weird crap, love the same movies, and would die for pop corn. It's a blessed match!There's only one tiny detail Kelsey may have forgotten to tell Ryan about Shane's acting job.





	Playing It Cool

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeavyMetalMothman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavyMetalMothman/gifts).



> Hey, Spence. Here's the random, no purpose at all, porn I promised. I'm sorry it took so long, I wanted it to make is a good as possible and I really hope you like it.
> 
> Just like you, guys. This was a super fun AU to work in and I'm honestly missing writing it, so I really hope you give it a chance, and that you like it at the end. Also, go to the end notes to find out who is the porn star in case that may be something you would like to know before deciding on reading or not.
> 
> This fic was edited by good bean and even more talented human being, [Fie](https://ebonybow.tumblr.com/)! Who is ust the best, and so is their art. Please give it a check to their blog. They are seriously amazing!
> 
> Now, If you have tumblr and you liked this, please support me by reblogging the [original post](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/182074963717/playing-it-cool-shyan-fic)!

**Playing It Cool**

Ryan hadn’t had a roommate since he was in college, he kept thinking about this as he waited for the last guy he got recommended to for the extra room in his apartment.

It had been a long day of all kinds of people, mostly boring dudes and college students he could not deal with at this hour and age. His head had ached just at the sight of the previous one, some jerky frat boy that couldn’t stop checking him out while talking about how many girlfriends he has at the moment, at the same time without them knowing.

 _“You were like that,”_ his brain reminded him, useful as always. _“Be aware of your own humble beginnings, bitch.”_

Ryan sighed, it felt like forever ago when he had lived like this: afraid of himself, of the thought of disappointing his father, of the thought of not being accepted—it had been so long. He was fine now, thank you very much. That dude could fuck himself.

The bell rang, he blinked and sighed once more while standing from his couch to the front door, and the person outside the apartment knocked gently three times.

“Coming!” He announced, opening the door to—

A chest. Huh. Ryan looked up and, you know what— _shit_.

“Hi, I’m Shane,” The man in front of him said, Ryan had to crane his neck to see him whole. “I think Kelsey told you about me?”

“Yeah, yeah. Come in!” He answered, getting away to let him in, as his eyes wandered free on Shane’s wide back and long body, blinking at his ass and long-as-fuck legs.

He swallowed.

“So,” The man turned, an easy smile on his lips. “She told me you needed a roommate?”

“Yup!”

“Nice, I’m in need of an apartment!”

Ryan laughed. Like a stupid idiot, that’s the thing—he was starstruck at the sight of Tall and Handsome, like if he was in college again and the older boys were calling his attention more than he cared to admit.

Still, he needed a fucking roommate, and this Shane guy may as well be the answer.

* * *

 

As it turned out, Shane was _not_ the answer.

He was now Ryan’s roommate, and a pain in the fucking ass in more than one way.

“Bitch, why is it my fault?” Kelsey asked at the office kitchenette, three weeks later. “It’s not my doing that you have the hots for Tall and Lanky.”

“That’s not—that’s—”

Ryan said nothing next, Jen and Kelsey looking at him as if they knew every single secret of his and he was not in the mood for friends’ therapy. Both women kept eating as Ryan thought of what he had just said—

 _“It has become a problem,”_ were his words. _“He is a great roommate but I think—he just, distracts me a lot, you know?”_ He sighed, shaking his head at himself.

Kelsey had arched an eyebrow. _“And…?”_

_“You brought him into my life, this is your fault!”_

_“Bitch, why is it my fault? It’s not my doing that you have the hots for Tall and Lanky.”_

Ryan swallowed once more now, watching as his friends shared their lunch and decided what package from Chipotle was better.

Shane wasn’t the problem, his dick was.

The man had turned out to be a weird kind of funny. He liked bizarre shit no one else found funny, but Ryan did. Both of them had similar fixations on shit like— popcorn, and good movies considered bad, like Speed Racer. It made Ryan enjoy his company, want to sit down and nurse a beer with him at night while watching TV.

Which was strange.

Generally, when Ryan felt the hots for someone, he would go straight up into that, and not feel frustrated around them, blushing and babbling when they did endearing shit like yawning cutely, or hitting their head off of open doors in the kitchen by accident.

Hell, a man as big as Shane would usually not even be to his liking, having had so many varied experiences with intimidating dudes at night. But Shane, as tall as he was with his voice as deep, had not one intimidating hair on his head.

He was inviting and happy, gentle, and smelled nice. He was clean, liked to have his shit together and in order, and always let Ryan know when he was getting home late when his filming schedule sometimes got the best of him.

“You’re just infatuated with him,” Jen told him as the three of them ate ice-cream after work that same day, continuing their conversation from lunch break. “He is an actor! You’re just dazzled by him.”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine in a couple of weeks,” Kelsey said, her lazy smirk making Ryan want to die a little. “But if you do want to fuck that,” She smirked, Jen rolled her eyes. “He has this huuuuuge dong!”

“Kelsey!” Ryan gripped his spoon so hard, he could feel the marks on his skin already. “What—why would you say that?”

“What?” She laughed. Jen was losing her shit at her side, for her girlfriend had zero chill when it came to… everything. “It’s true! Dude, I mean it—“ She looked first at him, then at Jen. She frowned and watched as Kelsey sighed and took another spoon of her own ice cream. “Guy’s well-hung. God gave him a strong weapon, probably to balance how much of a dork he is. Otherwise, he’d be a virgin.”

Jen laughed again, and Ryan blinked a couple of times, his head trying to tie all Kelsey was telling him into the man living in his apartment. The one that paid in time, fixed shit around and had been nice enough to offer a smile when Ryan was feeling like shit after a little episode.

 _“If you need anything, you can tell me,”_ He had said, it almost made Ryan want to jump from his window because a stranger shouldn’t be this nice, and yet— _“I… I’ll see what I can do for you, I’ll try my best.”_

Ryan had looked him up and down, laying on their couch like dead weight and nothing else, exactly how he was feeling.

_“You wouldn’t understand.”_

Most people, at the sight of his uninterested face and disdain, would just go about with their days, leave him there to melt in his self-pity. Instead, Shane had gotten down on his knees to look at him at the same height and smiled.

_“I can try if you help me.”_

He shouldn’t have said that, that’s how Ryan’s problem actually started.

 _“I… I’m coming down from a long depression episode thing,”_ He’d said, waiting for the reaction that never came. Shane stood there, waiting for the rest of it and it almost made Ryan smile. _“I’m just having a bad moment, okay? It’s fine.”_

 _“Well,”_ Shane had smiled gently, no pity in his face, not a try at pretend. _“I don’t know how it is to be in your shoes, it’s always different for everyone and my own problems probably come from things that have nothing to do with yours… But whatever you are feeling… you know, It’s okay. If you need someone to rant to, I’m all ears.”_

Ryan had smiled back then, asked if he wanted to just chill and watch TV. It turned out into a great afternoon and night. Shane was the coolest dude at this, weird as fucking fuck, but genuinely nice. It made him want to look at him more often.

Now, as Jen pecked Kelsey’s lips and Ryan sighed, lost in his thoughts, he wondered how was he going to look at him and keep his eyes off of Shane’s pants.

* * *

 

Definitely, not like this.

“Are you okay?” Shane asked, wearing no pants and a pair of black boxers that would show a lot if his green shirt didn’t cover eno—no, not enough. The man had stood, walked towards Ryan standing near their kitchen, and Ryan could see—“Ryan?”

“Uh?” He looked up, cheeks feeling warm. There was a package in there, alright, he could see the outline somehow. How big could he big if even soft Ryan could see it? “Yeah, yeah—I’m fine.”

He walked straight into the kitchen, leaving his bag in the entrance, trying to concentrate on the fact that he was hungry. Yeah, yeah, he was so fucking hungry right now, alri— _for food_! Ryan took a deep breath, slowly let out of the air in his lungs.

For food, he was hungry for food.

“Uh, so—” Shane entered the kitchen, wearing jeans with his fly open and Ryan closed his eyes. Maybe this was worse, somehow. “I made spaghetti. I don’t know if you like it, but I thought you may!”

The man walked behind him, the warmth of his body gracing Ryan’s back, and he just… holy fuck, this was not happening. Ryan swallowed and looked back, leaning on the counter as Shane took a plate and served him the pasta.

It was… white, with little chicken pieces. Shane offered it to him and Ryan was able to smell the cream and cheese on it, the white color of it must be from the combination.

“You cooked this?” Ryan asked, unapologetic when he smelled it. Shane smiled at him and nodded. “Okay. Just don’t poison me, please.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” He said, going out the kitchen while passing him a fork. “If I were to kill you, it wouldn’t be with food.”

God, that probably meant nothing, but it made Ryan’s stomach do its weird shit like when he was turned on. Ryan licked his lips, following Shane outside the kitchen to sit at their tiny table. His roommate kept walking, and Ryan watched as he did his fly up and closed his belt.

That shouldn’t be hot either.

“Mmhm!” Ryan exclaimed after taking a fork filled with pasta and chicken. “This is so good!” He talked with his mouth full, not giving a shit. “Holy fuck…”

Shane laughed from the bathroom, Ryan’s eyes opened as he kept eating.

Kind, nice, good looking and can cook. Why was this man available again?

* * *

 

Maybe not.

A month and a half later, Ryan’s infatuation had gone to extremes such as prolonged silences in which both would do nothing but work. Shane on his Master and Ryan on his editing. The man had studied some History thing Ryan didn’t know much about because he had been distracted by Shane’s pillow-head the morning he had found him cooking waffles for them.

Point was, he was preparing a thesis for his Master's degree while maintaining his acting, which was somehow attractive on top of the niceness and that good dick Ryan was almost so sure he was hiding between those long legs.

They would stay in silence as they worked, sharing popcorn and air, sometimes music. This thing of sharing his favorite bands and singers, his playlists, with someone else that wasn’t family or a close friend felt like flirting.

He would let Shane choose from his list as Shane would let Ryan choose from his, and so both would sit down and listen together, commenting from time to time about their music tastes and so on. Friendly things. Funny things. Flirty things.

Or so thought Ryan until he saw Shane with Sporty-and-Handsome.

“Hey, man, so—this is Zack,” Shane introduced them, Ryan waved like an idiot from their hallway to the bedrooms. Zack waved back awkwardly. “That’s Ryan, my roommate.” He said, carrying two beers in hands and going to his bedroom, Zack following behind. “We’re filming together tomorrow, so we are trying to get to know a little about each other.” Shane stopped at his side, and Ryan looked at him. “Is that okay?”

“Uh, sure,” He answered, crossing his arms over his chest. “I was just gonna grab a beer for myself. I have some writing to do.”

Shane smiled at him and nodded to Zack to follow him into his room.

“Thanks, man,” He said.

Like hell they were trying to get to know each other.

Ryan sighed, listening to the stupid giggles and muffled sounds of kisses going in that room. He closed the door of his, right in front of Shane’s, and put on some movie, whatever was better than Shane discovering the awkward situation of the paper-thin walls of their apartment.

He didn’t get any work done that night.

Instead, he did what he promised not to when he first met Shane and was told he was an actor: he googled him to find—nothing. Ryan frowned, the dude spent a lot of time filming, how come there were no results? He must have had something under his name—an artistic name.

Groaning, Ryan closed the previous windows and opened each and every one of his social networks and Shane’s, trying to find something that would tell him the man’s stage name, but nothing came up or to mind. So, like many people in his situation, he ended up watching videos of cute dogs.

As the night went on, he heard a small moan as he walked to the bathroom and fuck, fuck, fuck, he was not about to get jealous at his roommate, who was laughing as Ryan passed back to his room. He closed the door behind him, put the lock on like if that would protect him from whatever the men in the other room were doing and shit.

He needed a girlfriend.

Or boyfriend, whatever.

It was impossible to try and sleep, just as it was trying to ignore his head, repeating the soft moan and Shane’s laugh, the sound of kissing, nothing else—he hadn’t heard anything coming from the other room in hours when he took out his phone and opened a private window.

Biting his nails, Ryan made a quick search. His usual site, usual filters, just—maybe even the same video he’s seen a couple of times.

Soon, he realized he was not into that at the moment.

He rubbed his legs together, the friction on his semi making funny things happen in his stomach and around his body. He squeezed hard as he searched something more simple, _roommates_ , but nothing seemed to fit his standards for tonight.

Ryan sighed, defeated as he typed with one hand, his other roaming around his chest distractedly to end over his erection, fisting it to keep it entertained as he searched.

 _Big dick top_ , because it was one of those days when he just felt like being filled. An oddity lately! His appetite had been changing in a terrible way, as his loneliness grew. He wondered if it was just how busy he was that didn’t allow for anything else but to rub out a fast one, or just not being in the mood for taking out his box, choosing a toy, fingering himself, who knows.

After seeing the first two pages without nothing— _Big dick fucks twunk_.

Listen, he wasn’t proud.

In one of the less stellar moments of his life, Ryan scrolled down the porn site in search of something to watch and help him get off faster. Maybe the damn orgasm would make him sleepy. Maybe he just needed to fuck off and leave his phone again, but whatever the actual answer was, Ryan sighed when he hit the bottom of the first page and there, there he saw it.

Frowning, he hovered over the image of some buff and frat-looking dudebro so obviously getting fucked, mostly because the title made him laugh (‘ _Frat Twunk Gets Fucked By Nerd Senior Roommate With 10 Inch Cock’_ , TEN fucking INCHES of fucking DICK), and after a few nonsense scenes of the dude alone in the supposed apartment, a tall dude appeared, making him kneel in front.

The preview offered a good view of said huge dick, and alright—Ryan believed in the ten-inch cock now. He clicked on it, still not really that proud but certainly not worried anyway.

Yawning, he swallowed as the video finished buffering, the preview appearing in—

“What.”

It wasn’t even a question. It just was.

“WHAT?”

This time he asked, he asked because Shane’s face was right there in the preview with the nicest fucking beard he has ever seen, looking down at someone, the fucked frat twunk, with the most sinful expression that screamed SEX and Ryan almost had a heart attack. Among other attacks.

He locked his phone, unable to see, mind going wild with all the options and possible explanations.

Shane was an actor! The nicest guy! This was just a look alike!

He picked up his phone again, the image of the video the same as before. Definitely a lookalike, he decided as he clicked on it to get this all over with—blah, blah, blah, stupid plot, twunk didn’t do his chores at their apartment, and suddenly, nerd senior gets in.

That’s Shane.

He closed the phone again, screen black.

Ryan could see his face, his dumb-as-fuck, scared-as-shit face, on his phone.

What, what about it? So what—his roommate had been a pornstar. Many actors start like that, maybe he had just been unfortunate to be in one that got uploaded to one of these free, disgusting, filled with viruses sites lonely people like him often visited.

Swallowing, he brought his phone up again and the video kept going.

As Ryan let it play, he went down to the description that said nothing, none of the banners or the channel it was uploaded to were any help to him, so his last resources were the stupid tags. They were all ridiculous except for three—the name of an agency he knew well, and two names he assumed were of the actors.

_Sam Alexandej._

This bitch was so fucking stupid.

Ryan swallowed, unable to ignore the sounds coming from the video anymore. As he watched, something inside him dropped, and before Shane’s pants were off, he closed the window, deleted the search and stayed up almost all night.

Thinking.

* * *

 

His thoughts, in the end, didn’t really matter.

When he had searched the given stage name, he found out the actor was pretty much active and belonged to another agency as one of their best models. Thank God, it seemed like the agency was legit and this was Shane’s _job_.

If Ryan wasn’t looking at him the same way as before, the man didn’t need to know why, but Ryan definitely needed to chill out and understand.

He told the same to himself every night before sleeping and every morning after waking up: it was just a job.

* * *

 

“Why you didn’t tell me Shane is a porn actor?” Ryan asked Kelsey one afternoon, almost five months since Shane moved in, almost a month after Ryan found out.

“What, but I did!” She said, putting a disgusting amount of sugar in her coffee. “I told you, bitch’s an actor!”

“Yeah, well you forgot to mention of _what_.”

Her expression changed, suddenly so serious it made Ryan shiver a little. He crossed his arms and waited for her to attack. Instead, his friend just sighed and took her cup with coffee.

“Shane’s a good guy and good roommate, that’s all you should care about,” Kelsey said, Ryan frowned. “Or you have some views you would like to share in our new series about sex workers?”

Ryan swallowed, he really was being a dick about all this and Kelsey didn’t know the worst yet: that he was avoiding lowkey Shane, that he had been declining his pancakes and delicious dinners, his company for movies and groceries shopping.

“No, it’s not like that,” He cleared his throat. “You should have told me anyway. I get it’s his job, but have you thought of what would I have done if something ever happens?” He sighed. “Like—I don’t know, Kel. These are things you should tell people when getting them a roommate!”

The woman seemed to think about it. She was still frowning but nodding.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” She said. “But is there a problem? Does it bother you or something?”

Like before, he just knew his cheeks were red. His face must have been the funniest tone, as Kelsey chuckled.

“You’re jealous?”

“No, I’m not!” He answered, swallowing before continuing. “I’m just—I don’t know what to do, it’s strange to me. And I hate myself for doing this shit, but I can’t help it!”

Kelsey seemed to understand at least, giving him a nod before sighing. “Well, neither of you have to bring it back into the conversation,” She frowned. “He is very discreet about it, how did the conversation even come up?”

Ryan felt his face burn. Kelsey’s eyes opened big after a few seconds, smirk so wide it made Ryan wish the ground would open and swallow him whole.

“You found a video,” she said, he shook his head. “Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, you found a video!”

“It was an accident!” He said, Kelsey laughed louder, probably drawing everyone’s attention to them, and he just… looked down at his own coffee, which he hadn’t touched. “Shut up, shut up!”

“Oh, God—this is too good, how did you find it?” He smiled. “Please, tell me you searched big dicks or something.”

“Darragh!”

She laughed again. “You did!”

Why would he search for enemies when he had friends like her? Ryan swallowed, taking his cup and putting two sugars, one cream in as fast as he could to get the hell out of there. He could hear Kelsey behind him, asking him to calm down, it was just a joke—but nope, he was not in the mood for these jokes.

Shit was difficult as it was, and part of him was just freaked out by his own reactions over all this. Shane was his roommate, they hadn’t known each other for long, let alone that much, that deep, and yet he craved his attention and the sweet way he would look at him and listen to him when ranting over shit he couldn’t probably understand.

It made him feel a lot of kinds of ways to think he fucked for a living. And the worst part was that he knew he was being an idiot; a job is a job, and sex is only sex. But for Ryan, sex and relationships were interlocked, he couldn’t help but want exclusivity and for his partner to be intimate with only him—

Wait.

* * *

 

On pause and thinking about it, when the fuck had he started to feel this way for Shane?

Was it when Ryan found him asleep on the couch for the first time after getting so late and so tired, he just collapsed there and slept? Or when he had found out Shane did this ridiculously cute thing with his face while sneezing, his nose wrinkled in the most adorable way, the sound so small it can only be described as too much?

Looking back, Ryan had a long list of little details and moments that made him think of the man and melt.

But maybe shit had changed that day they had been watching Black Swan on TV, bored out of their minds, beers in hand and popcorn between them.

Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis had just been making out when Ryan felt it, that lighting through his body, going there between his legs, that made him wish God wasn’t so shitty, and that he could just not suffer being horny in the presence of another person who is not an option to help. His dick then twitched under his clothes.

He had crossed his legs and hoped for the best as the women on their screen had some wild, not-real, sex. Mila Kunis was being a tease and hot as hell, going down on Natalie Portman, when he had to swallow and it must have been… visible or loud, because his roommate had looked at him right away.

Then at the TV, once more at him, and suddenly all his attention was on Ryan, leaving the probably warm by now beer on the coffee table.

“Are you okay?” He had asked, Ryan had nodded in answer. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He answered right away, the sound so tiny he knew in that moment Shane had figured out his predicament.

The man smiled, sat down distractedly while looking at the TV, fingers playfully drumming on his own knee. Ryan swallowed and managed to turn his attention back to the movie, sexy part already over, Shane’s warm ever so present and hey—had he moved closer?

Swallowing, Ryan tried his best to squeeze it together and not let it affect him further.

He thought of his gross-as-fuck frat friends, disgusting bugs in the corner of a public bathroom, Trump’s sorry ass, dog shit, grass, whatever was better than the sudden fixation he had on Shane’s long, oh so long, fingers.

Fuck.

“I’m gonna—“ Ryan tried to stand, his room a better place than the presence of this man. “Just…”

“Ryan,” Shane had said, stopping him from going anywhere by putting a hand gently in front of him. “It’s okay, sit down.”

Ryan saw him stand and slowly went down his knees in front of him, moving his head to one side with a tiny smile that should not be hot.

Blinking, Ryan saw as the man put his hands on Ryan’s thighs, softly caressing as if asking permission to be there and when Ryan didn’t stop him, he moved his legs apart, slowly going for his shorts.

He didn’t remember going commando, but soon his crotch was uncovered, ass on the couch, Shane’s eyes on him and his cock. Ryan swallowed, and Shane had parted his legs again and was so concentrated on his hole, he didn’t see Ryan getting red, how he was wrinkling his nose as he tried not to moan at the sight of Shane getting closer to his skin.

The man kissed the inside of his thigh, slowly starting a path of kisses to his dick and fuck, fuck, fuck—

“Ryan!”

The TV was off suddenly and he was fully clothed, hard between his legs, but clothed.

Ryan had looked up to find Shane frowning at him, worried expression present as he retired his hand from Ryan’s shoulder. So, the big guy had shaken him awake it seems.

Awake.

Oh, holy fuck—

“I—“

“I think you were having a dream or something.” He’d said, his voice so soft and kind, Ryan had wanted to cry. “Maybe a nice one? You were…”

“Oh God—”

“Okay, nice dream then,” he smiled, Ryan’s heart was beating faster at the sight of his pink cheeks and ears. “I’m sorry I woke you up, it’s just—“

“No… no, it’s fine. It’s fine.”

They had awkwardly danced around each other for days after that and then, then Ryan had known he wanted this man badly. But maybe, his sweet and normal treatment had just added to it. This hunger of his, it felt different from other times, from fast crushes that didn’t live long enough to form into something else.

It was different, somehow.

In a good way, he felt. His heart would feel light at Shane’s smile and his stomach would fill with butterflies, a youthful feeling he hadn’t enjoyed much as he would like to say out loud. It was a warm thing, like just-cooked breakfast that smiled up at him with eyes of eggs and smiles of bacon.

Nothing like that could be bad.

* * *

 

But this, this was _bad_.

“Why, why did you put on that face?” Kelsey asked as Ryan was frowning down at the script she had just given him. “I asked you to direct an episode of our series! Look, Sara had to draw like a motherfucker for Jenna’s kid just so she’d give us permission to have you with us.”

Ryan looked up, feeling for poor Sara who was so awkward around children and didn’t like to draw on command. It made her anxious. His frown went deeper.

“I don’t…” He swallowed. “I’m very grateful—“

“Great! Then, we’ll see you next week!” She said, strolling away on her chair when Ryan stopped her.

“No, Kelsey!” He pulled her by her chair, back in front of him. She sighed, crossing her arms. “You’re doing this on purpose!”

She nodded. “Well, yeah. You know Shane already, I thought he may be more comfortable amongst people he knows.” It made sense, but all Ryan could think about was the awkwardness of filming Shane as he speaks about his job. “Come on, Ryan. I know you have a crush on him, but—“

“I don’t have a crush on him”

“Oh, honey,” he heard from behind, Jen was walking towards them, dragging a chair with her. “You’re head over heels for him, we all know that.”

Kelsey was nodding, he had the most unbelievable friends in the world.

“You should fuck him,” Kelsey said, shrugging as Ryan’s eyes opened wider than usual. “Shane is very chill with sex, and like—with everything, actually. You already know what he does for a living, so if you wanna kiss his ass, he’s probably gonna say sure.”

“That’s not—“ If his face wasn’t red before, it sure was now. Kelsey smiled at him. “That’s not something I’m considering.”

“Oh, Kelsey,” Jen said, smirk so dangerous, Ryan swallowed. “These kids are in love.”

“OH!” She fisted both hands, an excited expression on her face as she moved her hips like fucking. “You wanna date Tall and Lanky!”

“I don’t!” Ryan said again. This was starting to become too terrible. “I…” He sighed, hand on his mouth; this was way too much for this hour of the day.

All he could think of was Shane’s smile and the dream he had with it, how he had looked at him in his head, getting his legs apart, going between them…

Fuck that.

“No, I don’t,” Ryan said, sighing defeated. “You know how complicated that would be?” he said, and the girls’ expressions became serious. “We are roommates, we barely know each other—I can’t go and date someone I’m living with, that would complicate shit.”

Jen and Kelsey looked at each other, Ryan frowned and kept talking. “Plus, I’m just… maybe not in the best place to date.”

“Shit, something happened?” Jen said, Shane forgotten. Kelsey was crossing her arms again and Ryan sighed, shaking his head. “What’s wrong?”

“Just this whole—“ He laughed, something self-deprecating in it. “Horny and alone thing, it’s not helping.”

“Oh, fuck,” Jen frowned. “Are you still feeling… You’ve dealt with that before.”

“I mean, I’m…” He sighed, gesturing way too much with his hands. “I’m fine, I really am. I barely think of her now and if I can feel like this for another person, guess I’m over her. Or at least starting to be, so that’s a good thing.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Jen said, Kelsey nodded.

“But I…” He was so gonna be judged on this, he hoped he could be understood. “Can I be real with you, guys?” The women smiled at him, Jen nodding as the three got closer to each other so they could hear Ryan better. “I’ve been beating myself over this, but I see sex as part of a relationship you know? And… I would like to be with someone that can be one hundred percent exclusive.”

“This again?!” Kelsey said, everyone around them looked back, Jen hit her stomach with a frown so deep, her face was going to stay that way if she kept it up. “What? I’m just tired of this bullshit,” she said to her, then looked at Ryan, “It’s just a job! A job!”

“Kelsey, calm down,” Jen called her, Ryan’s chest felt heavy, his entire body feeling hot and not in a good way. “Kel, come on—“

“How dare you, sex is sex and most of the shit you see in videos isn’t even real. Most of that shit is acted and done with easy editing techniques,” She said, Ryan felt himself becoming smaller. “You really are out there judging people for their fucking jobs, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with _you_?” Jen asked her, Kelsey seemed to want to speak again, but Jen talked first. “Look, I’m with you that no one should be not considered for their jobs, that’s fine. But Ryan has an actual reason for it and it’s as real and as acceptable as anything else.”

“Jen, no…”

“The only ‘but’ I’m seeing here is Shane getting his dick out for a living,” Kelsey said, Jen sighed covering her face with her hands.

“It’s not that!” Ryan said. “Look, I’m fine with that—but I know myself, I’m a jealous bitch, and sex and my body are exclusive for me and my partner, and I would like said partner to share that, too.” He said. “I wouldn’t want to torment him with these things because that’s his job, and my anxious ass is gonna be thinking about how I’m not the only one kissing him.”

Kelsey still looked angry, Jen seemed more understanding than before, and Ryan felt even worse.

“I wouldn’t want to do that to him, and I would not want to do that to me.” He swallowed. “I know it’s horrible, okay. I know I’m horrible, but I’m done getting myself into shit when I know it’s not gonna work out better, I don’t want another heartbreak, especially not with someone who looks at me… like _that_.”

There. Kelsey frowned, moving her head to one side.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know; I may just be projecting on him.”

“Like what, Ryan?” She insisted.

“Like—“ He swallowed, when did this shit become so complicated? He was just hot for his teacher-looking roommate, when did that become a feelings thing? “Sweet, like if he thinks I’m cute.”

“ _Endearing_ ,” Kelsey said, nodding mostly to herself it seemed. “Oh, this idiot. I swear to God.”

She stood up, walking away from them and leaving Ryan with bigger doubts.

“What?” He said to her, Jen was standing to follow her girlfriend. “Darragh, WHAT?”

But she had left him standing there, frowning, and still thinking of tender eyes and long fingers.

* * *

 

Long, long fingers.

Everything in Shane seemed to be long and somehow wide. He hadn’t realized how much bigger Shane was compared to him until the moment Ryan started to think meticulously about it.

Like, he was kinda, just lowkey, proud of his buff complexion, not like anyone needed to know that, but he was pretty sure Shane’s lanky fucking body could cover him entirely and feel good. And if he repeated the word lanky once more, he was going to scream.

Lean. Not really skinny, he wasn’t all like that, probably had some standards to cover due to his job, and Ryan was more and more curious about his naked body every day, especially in the afternoons-almost-night when Shane was out and the apartment was empty for Ryan, his loneliness, and his horniness.

It was there like a clock, his desire for other hands, and craving for—something. Whatever, just— _ugh_. Then, like every day—Sad o’clock. It had gotten better recently, he didn’t spend too long like this anymore, but it was still there.

Anyway, he was not gonna masturbate thinking of Shane, let alone in their fucking living room like some desperate idiot looking to be caught red-handed.

“Fuck this…” He murmured, standing to make himself a date with his bed and his personal little box at the back of his closet when the door opened with a loud bang. “Uh?”

“I got paid!” Shane sang, with both arms open in a triumphant pose, the sight made Ryan smile and he couldn’t help but bite his bottom lip. “Let’s celebrate, baby!”

“You weren’t getting paid?” Ryan asked as Shane closed the door and happily walked towards the kitchen, leaving his bag in the living room.

“Uh, yeah—I got paid a little extra, is all.” He answered, searching for something in the kitchen, probably a beer or some water, a snack? Ryan walked towards it. “Actually,” He popped his head out of the kitchen to look at Ryan. “For real, let’s celebrate!”

“What?” He smiled, his fingers curled slightly.

“Yeah, my treat. Let’s eat something out.” He went out of the kitchen, walking towards Ryan and oh god—even at this distance, Shane could tower over him so much, it was insane. “What do you say?”

“Uh…” This sounded awfully like a date. “I don’t—I have work to do, man. Sorry… maybe another day?”

Shane’s expression changed immediately at his excuse, he crossed his arms like he was closing himself off, like protecting himself, and leaned on the wall beside them, no smile, sad eyes.

“Sure, sure, I guess.” He answered, and Ryan felt a strange lump in his throat after hearing his voice so soft.

“I’m just, I’m gonna—“ Ryan signaled to his room, Shane nodded and looked down at his feet and Ryan started to walk away, wanting to run from the tension in the room.

“Uh, Ryan?” He heard, the man swallowed and closed his eyes, preparing himself to turn around. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Turning around was easier than he thought, what was hard was to look at Shane’s suddenly serious face. Ryan had never seen him like this, and it gave him strange chills he wasn’t liking at all. It felt like hurting, like if after whatever Shane had to tell him, things wouldn’t be the same between them.

“Yeah, tell me.” He murmured.

Shane walked slowly towards him. They were closer now, he could feel the warmth coming from his body, but there was still a good distance between them. Shane was always so careful and respectful like that, and that was exactly what Ryan liked so much of him. Among many other things, to be honest.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

Oh fuck.

“I haven’t, I don’t—“

The older man arched an eyebrow, Ryan felt like throwing up.

Instead, he sighed and gave up. He couldn’t keep up this ridiculous dance around his roommate. They were living together, Shane had become a friend, he owed him at least part of the fucking truth.

“Why, why you didn’t tell me about your job?”

He was frowning, Shane was… and oh well, he should have probably said he knew what Shane’s job was for a start. But the man caught up immediately. “Didn’t Kelsey tell you?”

“Ah, nope.” He smiled. “Look, it’s… a little awkward for me because—“

Shane’s entire body language changed.

It did things to Ryan, very different from what he would usually feel at the sight of some dude standing on his full height in front of him, wide shoulders tense and serious face frowning, looking down at him.

Still, his reaction was to stand firm and tense, hoping for the fucking best and knowing well he could throw this man against a wall and actually hurt him if he wanted. Whatever his fucking dick-induced brain was making his body feel didn’t erase years and years of coming on top of whatever fucked up situation other men put him in.

“You have a problem with my job?” He asked, voice stern and so, so distracting.

God, he was gonna have the world’s most confusing boner if things kept going like this.

“No,” he said, and it sounded real for the first time. Ryan licked his lips and sighed. “It distracts me a little, but no I don’t have a problem with whatever you do.”

Swallowing, Ryan prepared himself for the fucking worst.

“What? It distracts you…?” Shane’s arms were still crossed on his chest, and he was frowning.

Ryan swallowed. “Well, it’s…”

“Oh.” Shane seemed to relax a little. “You saw a video, didn’t you?”

“What?” He almost yelled, immediately started to shake his head. “No, I didn’t!” He said. “I mean, I found one by accident, that’s how I found out, but I didn’t watch it!”

Shane looked down at his face, searching for something, maybe the lie behind his words, but this was the truth. Ryan had found that video and never touched it again.

He had searched his stage name a couple of times, seen some pictures, but never dared to open a single video because— _because_. It felt wrong somehow. Shane trusted him and smiled at him every day, and watching him getting fucked or fucking someone else behind his back was not… it was not polite to your roommate, goddammit.

“So then, what is it? Why does it bother you so much?”

Ryan held his own hand, trying his best not to nope out as he always did. Maybe if he put things straight between them, confessed, was fucking honest, something could be done. Maybe by finally feeling genuinely comfortable at saying he doesn’t care about Shane’s job, things could go on a better and in an unexpected way.

“I like you.” He said, and all of Shane’s tension? Gone. Ryan swallowed. “And I guess I felt a little jealous… and insecure… about your job.” He continued, not able to look Shane in the face, eyes glued to his socked feet. “I know I have no right, it’s silly of me… I’m sorry.”

Shane’s feet were suddenly very close to his, Ryan licked his lips and waited.

“You were avoiding me because you were jealous of… the people I work with?”

Ryan looked up, Shane’s expression was gentle. His arms were still crossed, it looked again like if he was protecting himself. It suddenly came to mind that hey—how many people had probably rejected him for his job? It only made him feel more of a jackass.

“Kind of? I know it’s stupid and kind of dick move, but I swear I’m fine with it, I just didn’t want you to find out or something because I know it’s so stupid and unfair, and there’s nothing wrong with your job, and—“

“Ry.”

He looked up, Shane was looking at him again like that. Like if he was the cutest thing he has ever seen and a sigh got trapped in his lungs, watching as Shane licked his lips and uncrossed his arms, hands going to Ryan’s shoulders, but he stopped himself.

Ryan blinked. “No, please, touch me. Make yourself comfortable.”

Shane chuckled, hands finally landing on Ryan’s shoulders, and the weight of them made Ryan smile. “Ryan, do you wanna go out?”

“Uh…” His face felt warm. “I, uhm—sure.”

“Great!” He smiled, he had one of the best smiles Ryan had ever seen. “Dress up, we’re getting fancy,” he announced. Ryan noticed how nice the stubble looked on him and wondered how it felt against his skin. “See you in twenty in our living room?”

“Yeah.” Ryan smiled, heart beating faster. “Sure, yes.”

* * *

 

Even though they didn’t kiss, nor did they go to bed together, that date brought Ryan a freedom he didn’t realize he was craving with Shane.

They kept taking one another out every week for a month and so, their stretching relationship growing and evolving with every smile and every blush, and Ryan had never wanted someone so much in his life.

But Shane was a gentleman, maybe too much at times, and Ryan was still waiting for that perfect movie kiss and that awkward yet sweet first time together that could later become something more… well, fuck that. Kinky. Sue him.

At least, having the chance to look at Shane and not feel guilty about it was one of the best things that date brought him and Ryan was glad he could now just go about his life, walking around his own apartment in only boxers if he wanted.

Shane kept giving him these appreciative stares and little smirks, such tiny gestures shouldn’t initiate a fire the way it did in him, but Ryan loved it all the same.

Breakfast went back to normal, so did movie nights and little by little, the days he would leave to film, became less of a charge in Ryan’s shoulders and grumpy humor for the next couple of hours until he knew Shane was back home.

The man still fell asleep in the couch, still came home smelling of cheap soap and with damp hair sometimes, and it still made Ryan think of stuff he wasn’t really trying to work with, but it had become less of a problem, little by little.

Until it was not.

“You know, seeing how hard you work, it makes me curious about your talent.” He said one afternoon of a Bad Day as Shane put on his shoes to leave the apartment.

A white, cold pain went up his spine, suddenly aware of what the fuck he had said.

“I mean—“

Shane chuckled. “I wouldn’t mind you watching a video or two,” he said, fresh as ever. “Baby?” He called, his pet names always making Ryan smile but right now, it only made him feel guilty. Ryan swallowed and focused his attention on the TV. “Look at me, Ryan.”

Ryan moved, sighing as he looked at Shane whose expression was as neutral as ever. Fucking Switzerland.

“I know it’s hard, okay?” He said. “I’m not about to invalidate your feelings about it, I know it takes time to get used to it… but meanwhile, I’m not gonna get tired of telling you that the only ass I want is yours.” He deadpanned, Ryan put his lips in a line, trying hard not to laugh. Or say what was actually on his mind. “And it’s just a job, whatever I do on set is fake—it means nothing.”

The man stood, walking towards the couch where Ryan had camped for the late noon, after a glorious free day turned Bad Day. In two days, he was leaving for San Francisco to record an episode with the Worth It idiots. It was the first time they would be so far apart, he wondered if he’ll be missed as much as Ryan was already missing Shane.

“Are you okay?”

Ryan only nodded, Shane arched an eyebrow and smiled a little. How could he know Ryan’s little lies so well by now? They hadn’t been living together for long, come on. Ryan sighed.

“Do you like me?” Ryan asked, fingers nervously playing with each other.

Shane frowned, going down his knees to look at him in the eyes. “Of course.” He said. “Ry, you are…” His hands gestured to him, like trying to measure something, eyes wide open. “You are amazing. More than that, I don’t have words.”

That should be enough, Ryan knew that, and yet…

“Ryan. What’s wrong?” He asked, still as patient and gentle as ever. Fuck this guy.

“You haven’t even kissed me yet…”

“You haven’t even kissed me yet either,” Shane answered, a small smile on his face.

“Fuck you, you’re too tall… I can’t reach your mouth easily!”

Shane laughed, sitting on the couch and getting his hand on Ryan’s hair. “Uhm,” He seemed to think of what to say. “I’m… I’m very bad at romantic relationships, or that’s what I’ve been told.” He said. “My last relationship went really bad, he was not happy with anything I did.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen with me.”

“Mmm…” He looked away, straightening his back. “I actually don’t know that.” He looked at Ryan, he opened his mouth to speak but Shane went first. “I don’t want to hurry this, you know? I like it slow, I’m getting to know you better. I don’t want to ever disrespect you or anything, and—To be honest, I’m kind of afraid.”

“Of what?” Ryan frowned, sitting on the couch and looking at him.

“If we pressure this and go fast, what if it doesn’t work?” He murmured. “I’m not ready for heartbreak and having to search for another place while mourning... And you are kind of my friend. You like similar weird shit like me, and—I wouldn’t like to lose your friendship.”

“Well…” Ryan sighed, passing one hand through his hair, making a mess of it. Shane smiled at the sight but said nothing. “I kinda know already we’re gonna work out.”

“Really?” He smiled. “How’s that?”

“I’m not usually like this.” He sighed. “I’ve only wanted someone this much when I—when I fall for them. And I haven’t even kissed you yet.” His fingers kept moving against each other, trying hard to not lose his shit. “I’ve never been this forward with anyone, too.” Shane didn’t move, and Ryan didn’t look up. He was just… “I know we are gonna work because even when I’ve been anxious about not knowing where we are standing, I’m still sure you’ll kiss me one day.”

He felt Shane’s fingers on his chin, slowly making him look up.

If he could wax poetry, he’d do it about Shane’s eyes and the way he constantly looked at him. Like in that moment, as his soft and happy smile made his cheeks look pink, the corners of his eyes slightly wrinkling as it became wider, and closer… and closer…

It will always be fucking funny to kiss someone with stubble.

Shane’s lips were thin, soft, and he knew exactly what he was doing and how he was doing it. Kissing someone who knew his craft was like having your favorite meal made by the hands that first made you love it, and so Ryan leaned in, stopped breathing in a second of pure joy, and deepened the kiss.

His partner welcomed him, opened his mouth when Ryan was ready and let him explore as he wanted, softly touching his tongue as he let out the air in his body. Shane breathed in, Ryan following right after, taking Shane’s tongue in.

They kissed like that for long, it felt like getting back all the lost time they had spent not kissing and Ryan would have loved if they could have stayed like that for hours, the rest of the day. But Shane pulled away, a big smile on his face.

“Good?”

Ryan chuckled. “Barely had time to know. Maybe if you—“

The man was on his mouth again, kissing him with a smile that didn’t let them stretch the act as much since they kept giggling into each other’s lips, until they slowly got it again—kissing, just kissing, with Shane’s one hand on his cheek and the other on his waist, Ryan’s own on each side of Shane’s neck.

His right hand slowly went up to Shane’s hair, the man moaned into his mouth when his fingers interlocked in the mess it was, gently pulling at it for a moment.

“Ry—“ He murmured, Ryan pecked his lips again, Shane took them harsher, his chest coming to meet Ryan’s. “Mmphh—wait, wait—“

“Uh?”

“Shit, baby.” He looked down, shoulders slightly going up and down. Ryan’s own breathing felt heavy. “Fuck,” Shane looked up at him, kissing him once more and all Ryan could do was sing victory to himself in his head.

It didn’t last long for Shane pulled away and swallowed, looking at him apologetic.

“I gotta go, my love.” He said, Ryan shoulders tensed. “I need to work.”

“Uh, yeah,” Ryan said, swallowing and looking at Shane’s belly. “I know, I know.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, Ryan shook his head. “I, ah…” He sighed. “Do you wanna talk about it when I get home?”

“What do you mean…?” Ryan looked up, feeling himself small, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s okay.”

Shane watched him breathe in and out, probably saw the moment his cheeks went pink under his eyes. Eventually, he smiled apologetically and sighed, caressing his cheek tenderly.

“Okay,” he leaned down, kissing Ryan’s forehead and fuck—that was the best kiss. Ryan swallowed again. “I won’t be late, I promise.”

“Okay,” Ryan said back, smiling up at him and cradling his face in his hands to peck his lips. “Have a good day.”

When Shane left, the shadow from earlier was back, and it had brought cold with it. The same creeping question popping in—

Could he do this? Was he really not jealous of Shane’s co-workers? Was he not thinking of how Shane was kissing some other guy with the same lips and the same tongue and the same saliva as he had kissed Ryan with?

Swallowing, Ryan turned on the couch.

* * *

 

Nothing could excuse how he ended up here, but it was worth thinking about it so that he could stop.

“Fuck that.”

When he woke up later at night, he was alone and it was almost midnight, no sight of Shane anywhere.

The last time he had fallen asleep in the couch with the man around, Shane had carried him to his room. He still thought of how had he done it—had Shane carried him on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes? Or had he him taken him bridal style? Whatever the answer was, it left the biggest question, which was—how strong was he, really?

It was fascinating to think, or maybe in Ryan’s case, obsess about. That they both could be strong at the same time, it gave him plenty of ideas, and it also made Ryan think of shit he never realized before.

Like the fact that, apparently, it turned him on to think some lanky super tall guy with wide bones could maybe kinda equal him in strength and _maybe_ manhandle him. It made him think, “yes, please”.

But not tonight.

Tonight it made him think of how there was this shadow lurking in his mind as he thought how could he be enough for Shane.

What if he had not made a further move because he didn’t really like Ryan and was accepting his advances just to not lose an apartment as he searched for another one? Or worse, he wasn’t searching for shit and was just accepting Ryan’s advances to not be homeless? Like—God. No.

All these ideas were ridiculous, he knew, but Ryan still couldn’t help it.

Shane’s job was still ringing bells in him, too— and it shouldn’t. Maybe if he really talked about it with Shane, more often and shit, it could help. Or if he sat down and watched some videos with him he’ll see how different, how fucking fake it was.

Yet, Shane was gone, out fucking some stranger that may as well be fucking him tomorrow.

It made him want to go back to sleep.

“Fuck that, yeah.” He said, because instead he had ended searching videos by himself with his stupid stage name, Sam Alexandej. “It’s so stupid…”

A bunch appeared and Ryan frowned, scrolling down on the fucking TV because he was sad, desperate and feeling inadequate. He kept scrolling down until he saw the blond guy’s face in one. The man Shane had brought home—they were really filming, fuck.

Did Shane fuck all his co-stars off-camera before filming? His stomach dropped, his heart fucking hurt.

He shouldn’t be doing this, he should just let it go and wait for Shane. Talk to him, like the fucking adults they were. But he was also very horny.

Finally, one called his attention.

It didn’t actually have a plot, just a short interview at the beginning, Shane with his shirt open, saying some bullshit about the model he was about to bang, talking about the dynamic he often played and what he actually preferred. He had never seen something like that in porn.

The logo at the corner of the video taught him it was from his current agency. His hair was shorter in this one, clean shaven, but it didn’t look too far away from the man Ryan had met months ago.

As they got at it, Ryan felt more bored watching as he usually did, until both were already fucking naked and touching each other in the literal open, in a fucking garden where not only God but the rest of the world could see them.

It was hot as fuck.

Would it be weird to imagine himself in what’s-his-face place? To see Shane passing his open mouth all over the skin on his neck and his collarbone, biting his nipple and sucking on it, licking his abs and taking his sweet, sweet time on his dick?

Ryan swallowed, looking at Shane sucking on that man’s cock, he couldn’t watch that—

He jumped the timestamp, the next image of some acrobatic sixty-nine, Shane’s big dick in the other guy’s mouth and Shane—eating his ass, Ryan’s body reacted by his legs squeezing his crotch and he swallowed, watching with intent, fingers under his hoodie.

Touching himself was almost perfect all the time, the fact that he was alone the only thing that sometimes ruined it for him and right now, it was sure doing it. Yet, it didn’t stop Ryan from uncovering his chest as his fingers softly caressed the known area, passing his abs, his pecs, suddenly making gentle circles on his nipples.

On screen, Shane was now fucking the other guy, hips going slow at first and soon going faster like in any other porno. There was not really much special about it but the fact that the stretch of that man’s ass looked obscene.

Shane’s dick seemed to fill him just nicely as the man kept moaning as if he had never been touched before and was trying to take all Shane was offering, hole devouring that cock with each thrust of Shane’s he met.

Ryan swallowed, fingers caressing himself over the material of his boxers.

He hadn’t had sex in months, his masturbation sessions were more to-the-point thing nowadays because he was either too tired for teasing or too busy to waste more time than necessary to get off. Tonight, he decided, he was going to let himself fly.

Closing his eyes, using the stimuli of Shane’s voice and the sound of skin slapping on skin, Ryan let his whole palm touch his dick, giving it a gentle squeeze. God, he was getting harder— and he massaged himself over his clothes, as his free hand wandered on his chest.

Parting his legs wider, Ryan let out a soft moan when his hand went inside his boxers and his fingers touched his erection, uncovering as much as he could without having to move much because today was his free day. He wanted to be lazy.

Ryan opened his eyes, biting his bottom lip, watching as the guy rode Shane’s big dick, Shane’s eyes focused on nothing but his partner, grunting and moaning so deep, it made Ryan hurry to take off his boxers and grab the lube he kept between the cushions of his couch.

Swallowing, he let a good amount of liquid spill on his fingers. Ryan didn’t care if it was cold or warm, all he could think of was how good Shane looked while moaning, biting his bottom lip, saying sweet praises to the guy who seemed to be enjoying himself, impaled on Shane’s dick.

He gave himself a few experimental tugs, loving the easier way he could do it with the lube and shit, shit, shit—he wanted to finger himself. His ass was clenching on absolutely nothing but the idea of having someone inside him, of having Shane inside him. Fuck his shit of liking his kind of cock so much.

 _Size queen_ , he remembered some of his frat brothers called him when he had been younger. Back then, he had tried his best to pretend he wasn’t as bisexual as he waved his flag nowadays, and the jokes had offended him for the wrong reasons. Internalized homophobia aside, he really had shitty friends.

Right now, though… His middle finger went in, first slow and careful, soon out to come back in up to his knuckle and Ryan sighed. He was in the mood for this today, he almost felt as if he needed it. Really, maybe having this massive crush on his roommate wasn’t so bad, since his sexual appetite had come back after the bad patch he went through.

As he continued entering himself, rim stretching slowly as if he hadn’t had something inside ever, his hand continued jerking his dick with Shane’s praises in the back of his head. He whimpered at the sensation, hips jerking up and a second finger going in, this time faster and less careful. He continued like this until all he could hear were his own moans, of nothing and of Shane’s name, the fantasy in his head so clear:

Shane, watching him because his fingers were too short to be Shane’s, let alone his cock; eyes so fixated on Ryan as he praised him, all Ryan could do was whimper and hope he was giving him the best show. The idea of the man wanting him so much and not being able to touch him as he pleased himself, calling for him in the hopes of being filled, it was enough to put him right there where he wanted, ready to scream and just wanting more, and more.

If he hadn’t been so distracted by his own pleasure, he would have heard the door opening, the gasp coming from his roommate finding him like this, his bag sliding off of his shoulder as he froze in the entrance.

If Ryan had been less turned on, he’d see Shane immediately closing the door, not wanting anyone to see or hear Ryan like this. His eyes suddenly on the TV, swallowing at the sight of himself coming on another man’s face with Ryan moaning his name in their living room, touching himself as he did so.

He would have seen, and probably moaned at, Shane squeezing his own crotch as he walked slowly towards him, in part unsure of what to do now.

Finally, the man cleared his throat.

Ryan’s eyes opened, fear crawling up his back, making a knot in his throat.

Neither of them said a word, they just looked at each other’s eyes waiting for the other to make a move.

So, Ryan opened his legs wider, an invitation so clear all Shane could do was squeeze his painfully interested dick and walk towards him. Ryan’s mouth watered at the sight, waves of pleasure going through his body, burning so good at the bottom of his belly.

His roommate went down on his knees on the floor between Ryan’s legs, eyes fixated on his hole. Shane looked up, showing him his hands, asking for permission to touch. Ryan nodded.

The contrast between Shane’s enormous hands and his meaty thighs was glorious, his touch so warm and so good, five seconds more of overthinking every detail of Shane’s treatment and Ryan would be coming.

Instead, the man made the best of their time, licking his lips while his fingers separated Ryan’s cheeks and Ryan swallowed, sighing at the sensation.

“All this…” He murmured, looking up at Ryan. “For me?”

Fuck. This. Man.

Ryan nodded, desperate for contact. Shane smiled at him, kissing the inside of his left thigh without taking his eyes off him and Ryan’s entire body shivered.

He went down his thigh, getting closer to Ryan’s cock and his eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of Shane finally putting his hands and mouth on him.

Until Shane stopped, just a kiss away from where Ryan wanted him most.

“Wait here, baby.” He said, standing and leaving Ryan so confused, he didn’t even have time to yell at him. “Just a second, I need to get a few things if we are doing this.”

“Shane—“

“A second, sweetheart.”

Ryan wasn’t sure why he stayed put, but he watched as Shane walked back to his bag, getting out a paper sheet from it and taking out his wallet from his pants, leaving it and his phone on the bag while taking a little black box with him. Condoms, Ryan realized, and a shiver went up his spine.

“Here.” Shane gave him the folded paper. “They were done this Monday.”

It was his results from the clinic, indicating Shane was clean. Ryan looked up at him, there was something kind of adorable in his waiting expression, like if he was expecting Ryan to reject him at the end and not wanting to.

“I’m—I haven’t been tested in a few months, but I haven’t, I haven’t—“

“That’s fine.” The man smiled at him going back on his knees between his legs. “Give me a few seconds, I’ll make you want only me.”

This bastard was going to drive him crazy. More crazy.

Ryan swallowed as Shane parted his legs again, smiling down at his dick while biting his bottom lips. He looked up, Ryan’s heart jumped to his throat at the way Shane was looking at him.

“Where can I touch you?”

“Everywhere.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, Ryan’s heart was beating too fast and he only nodded. “If there’s a particular way you want me to—”

“Just blow me already, goddammit!”

Shane moved his head to one side, smiling up at him like an idiot but it made Ryan want him even more, the cold and _heavy_ feeling between his legs telling him he was even more turned on than he had been when Shane arrived.

The man’s fingers parted his cheeks gently, humming happily while putting his entire attention to that place instead of his cock, making Ryan bite his cheek inside his mouth. He got closer, warm breath giving goosebumps to Ryan’s skin until finally, finally, his tongue darted out and licked a long stripe from his rim to the tip of his dick.

Ryan whimpered, left hand immediately into Shane’s hair as his right held his leg up.

He could swear he was able to _hear_ Shane smiling, fascinated with his reactions as he licked around his rim slowly, exploring his cavity while moaning every time Ryan tugged on his hair. Ryan’s toes curled, Shane had started to lap at his entrance with enthusiasm.

The sounds coming from it were filthy, it filled Ryan’s head with dirty words that barely found their way out as his hips jerked forward, making Shane’s shoulders move as he readjusted in time to accept Ryan’s own movements.

Ryan’s nails were digging into his skin, fingers from his other hand tugging at Shane’s hair to get him to move faster, or maybe just deeper. Whatever he wanted, Shane seemed happy to follow Ryan’s instructions of words and pulls.

His tongue felt warm, it touched deep inside him and Ryan wanted to die a little because Shane—this bastard man, he had ignored his throbbing cock to fuck his ass with his tongue. Directly to the ass. Amazing.

“Fucking delicious…” The man murmured against his entrance, Ryan swallowed and watched as Shane kept him open, lips going to the conjecture of his balls and shaft. His entire body felt electricity going to places he didn’t even know existed in him, Shane sucked on the sensitive spot and Ryan whimpered loudly.

“Shane!” He moaned, the big guy looking up at him as he kept sucking and licking his way up, one finger making circles on his rim. “Shit, shit—“

Shane’s big hands went to his thighs next, keeping him open as he panted over the tip of his cock, licking at his own lips before looking up at Ryan. Fuck. Ryan swallowed, staring back at Shane’s eyes until the man spoke.

“Can I finger you?”

Ryan nodded rather enthusiastically, throwing his head back with his eyes closed while tentatively searching for the lube he had used minutes ago. When he finally gave it to Shane, the man smiled and uncapped it. Ryan watched as he warmed it on his fingers and kissed the inside of his thigh again.

Shane went down on him once more. His tongue caressed Ryan’s rim carefully, one long finger going inside him slowly while he blew cold air to it, just teasing the area, until his finger was as deep as he could get it.

Ryan’s mouth opened, eyebrows meeting as a second finger went in easily thanks to the way Ryan had been playing with himself before. It went in just as gently, that tongue still working magic over his balls and the base of his cock.

Moaning, Ryan jerked his hips forward, following Shane’s fingers as they went in and out.

The man was sighing at the sight and Ryan’s eyes searched for his, finding Shane fascinated as he looked his fingers entering him, as if it was something beautiful from another world. He saw him smile, tongue catching up with his fingers when he scissored them inside, lapping at his hole and Ryan’s fingers tugged at Shane’s hair while moaning his name.

Shane moaned against him, the vibrations giving goosebumps to Ryan who met his fingers with every thrust, pleasure building his release at the bottom of his belly.

It felt so good to be held by Shane, his long fingers probably leaving marks on his waist as the others kept his pleasure on edge, making him moan louder than he had in months. It had been a while since he last had help reaching an orgasm, and Shane was certainly good at this.

All things but the fact that Shane was with him in this moment lost any importance, his brain fell quiet at least and Ryan moaned louder, eyes closed hard, his knuckles going white as he held onto the couch and Shane’s hair.

“Fuck—fuck, fuck, fuck…” He moaned, hips moving faster when Shane’s fingers did.

Finally, Shane’s mouth went to his dick, kissing the length of it, licking the tip in circular movements to clean the pre-come. The man looked up, and Ryan nodded making him smile and lean forward, taking as much as he could of Ryan in one go, eyes closed.

When his nose was buried in Ryan’s pubes, his fingers reached his prostate and the younger man yelled in pleasure, legs spread open, dick jerking up inside Shane’s mouth.

“Oh, shit!” Ryan said, listening to Shane cough after letting go of him. “Fuck, baby—I’m so sorry. Are you—are you…?”

“I’m fine.” He chuckled, moving his fingers out of Ryan without leaving his body. They went in again, and Ryan’s back hit the back of their couch. “You enjoying yourself?” He asked, voice so smooth all Ryan could do was nod as he sighed happily.

“God, look at you…” Shane said, Ryan’s eyes opened. “All turned on, happy to be fucked—I didn’t know you wanted it so much.”

Ryan smiled, hoping his head could be clear enough to joke. Maybe another time. Right now, all he could do was whine and get Shane closer to him with his hand still on his hair. The man didn’t mind, he heard him laugh before feeling the pressure of his long fingers in his prostate and his warm mouth covering his dick once more.

He bobbed his head, humming in concentration and letting Ryan follow his rhythm until it was what Ryan wanted—faster, faster, and deeper in him, he wanted Shane’s fingers to make him come for the life of him.

“Fuck, Shane—I’m gonna—Shane!”

“Come for me, baby.” Shane murmured after letting go of his dick with a loud pop, looking up at him. Ryan’s eyes fixated on his face, impossible to look away when the man had that expression of pure devotion and admiration on. “I wanna see you come, my love. Come for me, come for me…”

He swallowed, nodding while watching the man move his tongue quickly on his glans, fingers curling inside him to touch that fucking spot that made him feel like he was flying. Shane had his eyes still on his face, Ryan closed his and begged for more, he wanted—he wanted to have him.

Fuck, he wanted Shane so bad, all he could think about was turning around and offering his hole to the man on his knees. He jerked up, back arching as his brain played that fantasy again, of Shane fucking him like a fucking beast, none of his sweet gentleness or his fears of hurting him because shit, he was not made of glass and Ryan sure as fuck could take that big dick so good, so fucking good.

Shane moaned against his tip, Ryan had been speaking out loud and the man was too inspired by it, doubling his efforts to get him off and fuck, fuck, fuck—

“Shane, shit—“ He moaned, arching his hips. Shane followed him with his mouth still sucking at random spots on him and his fingers deep inside, hitting his spot. “Fuck, fuuu-- fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…! FUCK!”

His orgasm came like the sweetest of surprises, exactly like Shane had come into his life. He saw him there, knew he was there, but didn’t expect him to become this important, just like he knew this feeling was coming but didn’t expect it to feel like this.

Ryan moaned all the while he felt that high of pleasure traveling to every corner of his body, tears gathering on his eyes, just one finding release as he panted now relaxed, back against the couch and legs feeling like jelly.

Shane was still softly lapping at his belly, delighted with the taste of his come, cleaning him up with his fingers ever so slowly fucking, in and out. Ryan giggled, the oversensitivity was kind of his thing but he still tugged gently at Shane’s hair, feeling as he leaned his head on his left thigh. Ryan’s eyes opened, finding the man looking up at him.

“Are you okay?” Shane asked, Ryan nodded. His fingers caressed his whiskered cheek, and the man closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation as he leaned on his hand. Ryan wheezed at the sight. “Good?”

“Yeah…” His voice sounded harsh, used. “God, yes.”

Shane kissed his thigh, opening his way up Ryan’s body, and Ryan let him rearrange his position until Shane was hugging his waist and his face was cuddled against the middle of his torso, sighing contentedly as Ryan hugged him with a big smile on your face.

“So you’re a cuddly guy?” Shane nodded, Ryan couldn’t help but wheeze again, kissing his forehead when it occurred to him. “Hey, I… I can help you if you… uhm…”

“Uh?” Shane looked up at him, he seemed tired, like if he was the one that had gotten his brains melted with the best rimming-fingering-blowjob session of his entire life.

“You… you, uhmm—“ Ryan signaled down, Shane followed his finger to his legs. “Did you—did you come?”

“Oh, that.” Shane stood, the bulge in his pants was smaller than before but still pretty much there. Ryan swallowed, it was a fucking mouth-watering sight because, apparently, he was still a frat idiot that loves cock. “It’s okay.” He said, sounding genuine and Ryan’s eyes opened wide. “Really, I’m fine.”

“I’m seeing your dick saying the contrary.” Said Ryan, signaling at his crotch again. Shane looked down with a frown and the expression of betrayal on his face was too adorable.

Ryan took off his hoodie, completely naked and ignoring the screen of his TV where the site suggested him more videos with Shane faking his want for other people. Right now, he seemed kind of frustrated, so Ryan stayed with his hands away from him after having pulled him closer by his belt.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“It’s just…” He swallowed. “Look, you really don’t have to do anything.”

“But I want to.” Ryan murmured, looking up as Shane was looking down at him. They maintained the eye contact until Shane sighed, enamored, licking his lips while his hand massaged his own crotch.

Ryan’s eyes followed his movements, his own libido reacting immediately at the sight. Shane kept himself clothed still, one hand supporting his weight on the wall behind Ryan, his right knee on the couch.

“What do you want, sweetheart?”

Fuck this man, how could he still be thinking of Ryan’s desires when he was trying to compensate him for how good he had made him feel? Ryan licked his lips and smiled up at him, hands going to Shane’s hips to steady him in front of him.

“You, of course.” He smiled. “You wanna fuck my face?”

Shane visibly swallowed, nodding and squeezing his dick through his pants. Ryan smiled, happily going to undo Shane’s belt and fly, swallowing when he remembered his size. He tried his best to not let his fingers shake, but the anticipation — and just a tiny bit of nervousness — was killing him. Shane chuckled, all his gentleness going somewhere else.

“Oh, yes. I forgot…. You know,” he said, mischief in his voice. “And here I was worrying you wouldn’t want to after seeing it.”

He took Ryan’s fingers’ place, looking down as he took down the zipper and opened the button after his belt was finally off. Ryan smiled at him as smooth as he could, hoping he was sending the right bedroom eyes.

Someone taking off his pants shouldn’t be this hot, yet here he was, watching as Shane removed his clothes just enough to let his cock out. Ryan giggled like an idiot when it bounced in front of his face because—holy fuck.

The man gave himself a few strokes, getting himself harder and just… so, that was a good cock, no questions asked.

“What made you watch the video, Ryan?” He asked, using the pre-come to make his strokes smoother.

Ryan opened his mouth, waiting for Shane to realize his intentions.

“You are not gonna answer me?” He smirked. He left his shaft, his fingers going to Ryan’s jaw and his thumb opened Ryan’s mouth wider. “That’s not big enough, baby.” Ryan opened his mouth as much as he could, it fucking _ached_ and he had a goddamn big mouth, alright. “Maybe.”

 _Fucker_ , Ryan wanted to say but instead he only salivated as Shane’s other hand took his dick and guided it towards Ryan.

It was large and wide, enough to maybe burn deliriously while stretching him open everywhere, and with that alone, Ryan loved it and wanted it even more. He put out his tongue, Shane touched it with the tip of his cock and Ryan salivated more.

His hands left him, the right one going to the wall again, left at Ryan’s shoulder.

“Go on.” Shane murmured.

Ryan’s tongue wrapped around the head, lips over it, sucking softly with closed eyes. Shane’s soft panting made him go further, following the vein at the side with the tip of his tongue, giving himself a closer idea of how long Shane actually was, and God—Ryan was drooling.

Ryan kissed the length of his shaft, going down until he could take the tip in. He held Shane in one hand, slowly going down on him, trying his best to relax his jaw and throat as he went in, the man moaning softly and low at first, louder the more Ryan took in his mouth.

There was no way he could take all of him just yet, so Ryan bobbed up and then down, drooling on Shane’s cock as he cupped the area he couldn’t take. He went up followed by his hand, and down following it, soon finding a rhythm he could maintain and Shane could enjoy.

Judging by his moans and the slight movement of his hips, it was already the case and Ryan felt some sort of pride at it.

“God, you’ressooooo good…” The man moaned, the hand that was on Ryan’s shoulder now on his jaw. “Let me see, let me see those lips…”

Ryan moved his eyes up, letting Shane lift his face a little. The man smiled at what he saw, caressing Ryan’s light stubble.

“Gorgeous.” He said, licking his lips at the end. “Open up and hold still, baby.” Ryan did as told, eyes never leaving Shane’s own. “Relax that throat, I’m gonna bruise those pretty lips of yours.”

He wished Shane could tell he was smiling, and maybe he did. He looked happy, feeling as Ryan relaxed and waited for him to move, salivating around him. The man moved his hips, sliding in until Ryan moaned with the intrusion. Almost all of Shane in, it made Shane smile wider and Ryan wanted to keep going, trying his best to open his throat to let him in.

 _Soon_ , he thought. One day he’ll take all of this man and made him feel worshipped, a dick like his deserved as much.

His hips kept moving, every thrust faster and easier. Ryan licked as much he could, tongue wrapping around him and going to lick that vein, getting a twitch from his own spent cock because fuck, he could do this all day if possible.

“Shit.” Shane’s dick twitched inside his mouth, “You are so fucking good—“

He tugged on his hair, making Ryan moan and look up at him, wanting Shane to know how good Ryan was feeling like this, hoping he was feeling as good. For the way Shane kept moaning and thrusting faster, he was right there.

Ryan hollowed his cheeks, Shane moaned louder, tensing his body and moving a little slower just to get back at his fast rhythm, eager to reach his orgasm. Ryan’s fingers went down on himself, slowly teasing his dick.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—“

The man kept fucking his mouth, faster each time, but still careful of now choking him or going deeper than Ryan had marked before. It made him wish he could tell Shane to just do it, get his entire dick in Ryan’s mouth, fuck him properly, bend him over and use his hole as he wished.

Ryan swallowed, looking up to see Shane throwing his head back while moaning loudly.

Shane pulled out of his mouth, taking himself in one hand, jerking off in front of Ryan’s face. He watched as Shane touched himself, trying to reach his orgasm and, uhm—he’d swallow his come if Shane wanted to, Ryan wondered if he should say that out loud.

“I’m gonna—“ Shane panted, “Baby, where can I come?”

In heartbeat, Ryan opened his mouth again, making Shane chuckle but directly jerk himself off in front of his open mouth, shouting his release with Ryan’s name on his tongue and his body shaking deliciously as he came on Ryan’s face and in his open mouth.

He swallowed most of it, getting the rest into his mouth as he cleaned himself seeing as Shane pretty much collapsed at his side on the couch. Ryan kissed his cheek softly, legs on his lap, and Shane opened one eye to look at him with a smile.

“That was great.” He said, Ryan nodded. “You are so fucking good at that.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m the master of dick-sucking.” He answered, making Shane laugh.

The man passed an arm over his shoulders, getting Ryan closer to his chest, kissing his forehead as he did earlier. Ryan felt like he was floating around, he hadn’t felt this good in so long—damn, it was fantastic.

“Mmm…” Shane’s fingers caressed his hair, rocking him slowly while humming something. The man seemed happy, it made Ryan’s heart beat faster. “You are perfect.”

“I’m gross right now.”

Shane wheezed, looking at him with a smile. “Yeah, here—“ Shane passed his hand over Ryan’s cheek, showing him a little bit of spunk. “Gross.”

“Ew.” He giggled. “I need a shower… do, do you wanna…?”

“Mhm.” The man kissed the tip of his nose. “Sure. Wanna sleep together?”

Ryan nodded happily.

* * *

 

Ryan was sure he was happy right now.

After his little fight with Kelsey, his trip to San Francisco, and his growing relationship with Shane, the next months of their lives passed like a musical montage in a movie he’ll lie and say he hasn’t seen, but had cried to at least twice a year since the first time he saw it years ago:

With dates, came funny bits of tender awkwardness at little firsts, laughs and new positions to sleep in. It made Ryan imagine the rest of his year with this man and his sweet way of talking to him and asking for things.

It was such a big deal, to see him asking where he could touch, how he could do it, until where was he allowed, and how much Ryan wanted him to. It made Ryan want to never leave the apartment and live in bed with Shane forever, for nobody had ever been this gentle with him.

Not that he had actually craved something like this—hell, it never occurred to him that he could have it. As Jen had told him on one occasion as Kelsey still ignored him in spite of how good his relationship with Shane was going, “that’s fucked, man”.

Yeah. It was fucked.

But he had it now and he knew it was possible and fair to have it, and Shane was the best he has had in months after how bad his separation had gone from his ex. And, like many things in life, he healed and learned, and could keep going now.

All the times Ryan had to travel, to another city or another state, they would call before going to sleep, sending kisses and goodnight wishes; pictures and more when things got heated, and Ryan loved all of it.

Just as much as he loved going back into Shane’s arms, seeing the man asleep with his head on Ryan’s lap on the couch, or his head on his belly or ass on the bed.

Kelsey talked to him again, he was still filming for them. Shane’s episode had been put to be the finale now, Ryan accepted it still thinking of how this may as well help him finish understanding and end his frustrations about Shane’s job.

Filming Shane’s episode of Kelsey and Sara’s series had been as easy and comfortable as the woman had thought. Kissing him in front of their friends wasn’t so awkward, holding his hand on set, hugging him as they were sleeping for long nights filled with happy sighs and even happier moans, all was so perfect—

Ryan could see it, the two of them together, for a long, long time.

* * *

 

As the holidays approached, Ryan was pretty sure they were going places from now on… And yet—

“How do I know if we are actually dating-dating?” Ryan asked out of nowhere, and he saw the second Kelsey rolled her eyes and Jen sighed deeply. All he could do was smile a little.

“You two are fucking!” Kelsey reminded him, stabbing her fork on her pie. “What else do you need? A proposal?”

“Well, no…” He swallowed. “I just don’t know if we are official or not. I, I wanna know so I can see… if it will be okay for me to invite him to my parent’s—“

“NO!” Both women said at the same time, Ryan blinked a couple of times.

Kelsey massaged her temples, looking more frustrated than Ryan felt with all this. “Listen, man—Shane has had some rocky relationships since we’ve known each other. I don’t think he is ready to go that serious yet.”

“Why?” He murmured.

“Look—“ She sighed, looking up at him. “All you need to know right now is that he’s very firm on his first rule, which is to not get too serious for the first five months. He believes this is the time it takes for someone to eventually leave him.”

Ryan frowned, why would anyone…? Kelsey’s words from months ago came back to him as Jen stood to take his used plates to the kitchen. He had gone to get some dinner with them, something they did at least once a month. Lemon pie was left in front of him, his friend going to sit at her girlfriend’s side and Ryan swallowed a little.

“It… has it been because of his job?”

The blonde nodded, looking at her fork with pie on it, then back at Ryan. “He had this really good thing with an artist from New York, but… it eventually died down. They were together for two years, and he always blamed it on his job.” She sighed.

“You see, he had left it, convinced that he could finish his Masters and do something else. In part for her, though—but they had money problems, like big-time problems.” She shrugged. “He went back. I met him during a porn con, already single. Not happy.”

“She left him for going back?”

Kelsey seemed to think about it, licked her bottom lip before talking.

“Not exactly. But the fight that put an end to their relationship started with that.” She took a bite of her pie, talking after swallowing. “New York was, like—cursed for him after that. We were roommates for a while…” She remembered.

“When I got the job here, I told him he should come with me, intern in the company. But his contract with the agency he was at was still active. It’s been a while since that, around three years. But it messed him up a bit, he just wants to make sure whatever relationship he starts may be something real.”

Ryan thought of that and the many ways they’ve been intimate ever since that first date, his awkward confession, that night on the couch, the morning after in Shane’s bed, the months that followed, that afternoon in the kitchen and his bedroom, how good things were at the moment.

What else did he need to do to assure Shane this was real, that it meant so much to him, he meant so much to him already—maybe he should just talk to him about it.

“Yeah, you do that,” Jen said, with Kelsey licking her fork, Ryan finally put his in his pie after asking if it was a good idea to just approach him with the subject. “I mean, I’ve known Shane thanks to Kelsey for about a year… never seen him like this with anyone.” She looked at Kelsey. “Don’t you think?”

She seemed to think about it and, for some reason, Ryan felt as though this was very important. Kelsey knew Shane for longer than any of them, they had lived together, they were closer than Ryan had ever noticed before. Hell, maybe she was right—did he know Shane that well? What the hell was he gonna give him for Christmas for a start? Did he even celebrate? Jesus.

“No, I haven’t.” She said, something in her expression telling Ryan she was saying the truth. “He really, really likes you.”

Well, his cheeks were certainly red now. Ryan nodded like an idiot.

“I like him, too,” he said, looking at the pie only. “I like him enough to want to introduce him to my family.”

Kelsey cleared her throat, Ryan looked up to find her staring at him like she was trying to find something on his face.

“What are you gonna tell them when they ask what he does for a living?”

“He’s an actor.” He shrugged.

“What has he been in? Have they seen anything with him?”

Ryan frowned, was this a test? “I doubt it…”

“What if your third cousin recognizes him?”

“I—“

She chuckled, taking a bit of his pie with her fork. Her plate was empty. “Talk to him, Ryan.”

Jen smiled at him when Ryan looked for help, there wasn’t much she could do for him but support whatever decision he’d take at the end. Truth be told, he hadn’t thought of any of this. Hell, he hadn’t thought of how it still made him feel odd and warm in a bad way to see Shane get home with damp hair and tired eyes.

Swallowing, the old heavy doubts came to him as he ate his dessert and tried to maintain the bad feelings aside. He said goodbye to his friends still thinking of Shane’s job and the times his boyfriend—were they boyfriends? Anyway—all the times Shane had invited him to the set, _“so you’ll see it’s all fake, I don’t give a shit about it”_.

The closest he had gotten to that was watching more videos with him, the man telling him what tricks they had used to make this or that look different, how in some parts it was the fakest thing, or how while doing something he was actually yawning, or his co-star had been almost asleep.

It had made him a bit uncomfortable at first, and the more he listened to each little secret and the way Shane would refer to all of it as just his job, not a sign of arousal anywhere in him as he watched himself… well, it had made him understand some shit.

Right now, though—

“What’s wrong?” Shane’s voice sounded close to him, Ryan looked up to find the man looking at him from the kitchen, his worried expression a little surprise. “Ryan, you’ve been spacing out… are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, clearing his throat after. “Just thinking of some bullshit.” He smiled, sighing to try to let out of all the shadows in his lungs. “Can I ask you something?”

Shane blinked a couple of times, but nodded. “Sure.”

“You celebrate Christmas?”

The man chuckled, going back into the kitchen. Ryan stood from the table, following him to see his burritos being cooked.

“Yes but no? My family gets together and shit, but it has no religious meaning to me.” He said, as Ryan’s stomach reacted at the smell of his cooking. The man smiled down at him. “Actually…”

He turned off the stove, serving the food in each plate for the two. Ryan took them from his hands, going to the table to leave them there where he had fixed everything for their dinner.

Shane smiled at the sight, appreciation in his voice as he thanked him for moving the chair so he could sit.

They sat down to eat, Shane’s words still hanging there.

“I’m going to Illinois to see my parents.” He announced, Ryan had stopped eating at the news, slowly going back to chew and swallow his food to say something.

“Uh, okay.” He hoped his disappointment wasn’t showing in his voice. “Wh—when?”

Shane was looking at him, examining his expressions and probably his tone, too. Ryan swallowed, this was way too much for a new relationship.

“Around the 18th or 20th, more or less. I’m gonna be seeing my friends and my brother, too,” he said. Ryan nodded.

They ate in silence, the sound of chewing and drinking, glasses crashing slightly with plates, cars outside their building, made a song neither seemed to like. They kept stealing glances, hoping the other would say something else.

So, Ryan decided he couldn’t just shut up like this.

“I wanted to invite you to spend Christmas with my family,” Ryan said, his voice sounded dry as if he hadn’t use it all day. “But… I’m not…” He looked up, Shane was blinking and looking at him surprised. “I wasn’t sure if we were at that level yet…?”

“Uh,” Shane’s hand went to his neck, scratching nervously. “I was—I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to Illinois with me.”

Both looked at each other for a long time, Ryan’s heart was beating faster than every second they had been intimate before.

If Kelsey’s words were to be taken seriously, then she was right—Shane really liked him, he was making an exception to his own rules for him. This shit of talking your issues out worked—was that being an adult? Ryan hoped Mama Bergara would be happy once he told her about it.

And about how he was going to Illinois with his boyfriend. _Sorry, mom_.

* * *

 

Of course, mom hadn’t been pleased to hear the news.

Ryan was sorry he was not gonna be home this Christmas, and maybe one day his mom could forgive him for this one time. Maybe when she sees him on New Year’s, sees how happy he is right now, she may forgive him and want to meet his boyfriend.

Using the word ‘boyfriend’ felt good now, and Ryan was sure as fuck he could live with the whole porn star thing as long as Shane kept looking at him as though he was the most important thing in his life, and kept making him laugh as if he was a child again, and nothing else but this one funny thing happening right now mattered in the world.

“Can I ask you something?” Shane asked one afternoon. He had the nicest beard ever, and every time Ryan saw him with fewer clothes, he wanted to jump him.

“What’s up, Big Guy?” He said, trying his best to not stare for he had a lot of editing on his hands.

“You…” He sighed, walking over to sit down in front of Ryan in the table. He looked up, Shane looked a bit nervous. “How do you feel about my job? Be honest.”

“Uh…” Ryan swallowed. “Well, I’m not… I’m not sure.” He answered. “I haven’t thought of it much lately… I try not to.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m—“ He swallowed again. “Okay. Please don’t think I actually have a problem with it, I swear I don’t, it’s just that… I’m a little jealous sometimes.”

He cleared his throat and tried his best to not let his voice shatter.

“But I understand it’s just a job and what is between us, it’s apart from that. And as long as you are safe and okay with whatever you do for a living, I’m not gonna say shit about it, it’s not gonna make me stop lo—“

Ryan’s eyes opened wide, Shane was looking directly at him, his fingers had stopped drumming nervously on the table. Ryan swallowed.

“It’s not gonna stop me from liking you this much.”

The man nodded after a few seconds, hand going to the middle of the table, offering it to Ryan. He smiled, taking his hand and sighing in relief after having said that out loud. It felt so good to let it go, hopefully the remains of that bad feeling would eventually go the fuck away forever.

“You know, you can… maybe one day you can go to set with me.” Shane suggested, and Ryan tried his best not to frown. “So you can see it really doesn’t mean anything to me. Or to anyone there, really.”

Ryan swallowed, but smiled the best he could. “I, I don’t think I’m ready for that…”

“Oh, fuck,” Shane’s shoulders tensed, his hand squeezed Ryan’s. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He said. “But I mean it, if you ever want to go… you can. It really means shit to me.”

“I know.” He said, his heart hurt at how true that was.

He wasn’t sure how he knew it, but Ryan was sure Shane was telling the truth. Maybe it was the way he looked at him, how much he cared about him and his body, and his feelings and his pleasure. He put his own desires aside to please Ryan in everything.

They fit because they felt the same way about each other, they wanted the other to feel as—as honest to God _loved_ as they felt by the other. There was no need for verbal confessions just yet, but Ryan was sure of it.

“I… I have another question,” Shane announced, Ryan nodded waiting for it. There was some tension between them, it could go two ways— “When we are… intimate, sometimes I get—a bit rough?” He swallowed visibly, and Ryan blinked a few times.

It could go either way, this tension between them: or it made them awkward around each other for the rest of the week, or it could make them fuck each other’s brains out. Ryan was hoping for the second one, maybe it was going to be one of those good days.

“Yeah?” Ryan blinked. “What about it?” He looked down at his screen, trying to get some work done.

“Well, I’ve been thinking…” He swallowed, looking at Ryan. God, he was so nervous. It made Ryan smile. “Do you, uhmm… How do I say this without sounding like a caveman?” He murmured to himself.

Ryan bit his bottom lip, looking at him being this adorable just to ask him something about sex.

“Okay, I’m sorry. Hey, Ryan—do you like being penetrated?”

All he could do was laugh. It sounded so loud and stupid, he wouldn't blame Shane for leaving him right there and then. Ryan covered his mouth with both his hands as he was still laughing, this time he looked up to find Shane’s face all red.

The man was also covering his mouth, a shine in his eyes that Kelsey had identified as endearment, a sign of how much Shane genuinely felt for him if the woman’s words were serious, and Ryan believed it was the case. Ryan could tell he was smiling, trying not to laugh too much, so he just nodded between laughs to finally give him an answer.

“Yeah?” Shane asked. It sounded tiny and it made Ryan smile.

“Yeah…” He said, then frowned. “Did I gave you the impression that I didn’t?”

“Well, not really… I just didn’t want to impose or something.” He said, and Ryan nodded. God, he was _nice_. “I know I asked the first times I fingered you…” He said, swallowing and making Ryan remember some very good times with him. Arousal traveled down his body, right into his crotch. “But I didn’t after, and I was worried maybe you didn’t like it.”

“You were worried about that?” Ryan chuckled, he shook his head as he saw Shane blush. So cute. “Is this why I’ve only fucked you and not the other way around?”

There was a silence then that Ryan didn’t like. His eyes opened wide, hands closing his laptop right away. Maybe he should take one from Shane’s book and ask shit.

“Shane?”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. It’s not like that!” He said. “I like it, I really do. Never doubt that.” Shane squeezed his hand gently. “Ryan, never doubt I will tell you if I ever don’t want something. I’m extra serious about consent.”

His face was so serious, there was no room for doubt. Ryan’s heart started to feel light again, still a bit crushed though.

“I—I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable asking if you wanted to, that’s all.” He swallowed again, the word consent shining in red inside Ryan’s head.

Like, Jesus fuck—he really had won the lottery with this dude. He owed him his honesty at least.

“Fuck, Shane.” Ryan leaned on the table, lifting Shane’s hand to kiss his fingers. “I like it, I… Like everything we do together.” He laughed, looking away from Shane.

He took a deep breath and looked at Shane again—okay, so it was frat history time.

“I’m kind… Actually,” He cleared his throat. “I’m actually a big, big bottom. And… I love it.” He said, feeling odd for how warm his face was. He usually said this with pride. “I obviously can and will switch, but yeah. Pin me down, I _love_ that.” Ryan added, looking as Shane’s other hand disappeared under the table. He suppressed a shiver. “If… If that’s what you meant with you being rough…”

Why was he feeling like this? His fingers played with Shane’s nervously, and Ryan was sure he was red in the face. It had stopped feeling odd after he had taken his homophobic frat brothers’ ridiculous jokes as a prideful standard, but today it felt awkward again and he wasn’t so sure why.

Ryan had never had a partner who asked about all this in the way Shane did: careful, respectful, genuine. No insinuations about one thing or the other, the truth in a gentle way only.

The man smiled brightly at him, something in him had changed and it sparked pleasure in Ryan, his editing long forgotten.

“Well…” Shane arched an eyebrow in that playful way of his. “You wanna go for a ride?”

“I—“ Ryan stopped breathing, he chuckled as Shane smirked at him from the other side of the table, moving his eyebrows up and down, waiting for his answer. “Fuck yeah.”

Shane laughed. His cheeks were pink, but at the same time he showed a confidence that Ryan envied to some degree. He also _loved_ that about Shane, he liked how well Shane knew himself and how open he was to so many things, his desire for experience and learning. It was inspiring.

Ryan bit his bottom lip. “I would love that, sir.” He swallowed, those nice waves of arousal rolling through his body. “Though, I’ve never…”

The man frowned, Ryan laughed and tried again.

“Never been with someone like you.”

“Someone like me. What do you mean?” He murmured, darkish tone making Ryan’s legs shiver.

Fuck _that_.

“You know, someone so big.”

Shane’s eyes shone lustfully and Ryan’s smile widened.

It was also refreshing to have someone to play with like this, it made him feel a certain way—like if all those nights he spent awake thinking he will never be happy with himself as a teen were finally over, and even worth the tears if he could have this now.

He wished, in a way, he could tell his college girlfriend about this, that he was happier now and she had been right: all he needed to do was to accept himself. It made his recent sadness feel like nothing, another passing batch, another learned lesson.

Today, just playfulness and eyes that looked at him as if he truly was everything.

“Oh, honey…” Shane murmured, smirking a little. “I believe in you, I know you can take it.”

Ryan chuckled. God knows what he did to deserve this man, but blessed be.

* * *

 

The sensation of having someone to share that freeing feeling of laughing until he was snorting like a pig was the biggest gift this year had given Ryan, and no amount of porn was going to ruin it for him now. So fuck that.

What was he _not_ fucking was Shane’s newest idea, though.

“But why wouldn’t you wanna go?” He asked as they kept wrapping presents, five days before their Illinois trip. “It’s just a toast with the crew working that day, it’s not even many of us.”

“I—“ Ryan swallowed. “I don’t know, man. I kinda feel awkward? I’ve never met your co-workers before and… I don’t know.”

“Mmm…”

Shane was frowning, that was the problem.

They kept wrapping in silence, Shane’s distraction making Ryan hear over and over again Kelsey’s voice inside his head: _“Until you truly accept it, you’ll find a problem in his job,”_ she had said. There was no doubt she was happy for them, for Shane, but her worrying over Ryan not taking Shane’s profession well sometimes freaked him out.

Other times, he remembered he was the jealous little shit pretending to be asleep when Shane came home late at night.

Ryan looked at the man in front of him.

His long legs were extended on the ground as he wrapped his own gifts. They were going to spend the weekend before their flight with Ryan’s parents and Shane had been nice enough to get something for them, his brother and his freakin’ dogs. He wasn’t sure what he did to deserve such sweetheart, but here he was.

This guy had something in him. The goofy hair, the easy smile, the shining eyes full of light, all that respect and kindness he had for him, the way he could out-snark him so easily and turn him on with just a look.

Damn.

“I’ll go,” Ryan said, surprising even himself. “I—you are right.” He cleared his throat, Shane was looking at him with his eyes opened wide. “I should meet your co-workers and get used to it, I better start now.”

Shane didn’t say anything, he didn’t move much but to put the gift he had finished wrapping to his left. Ryan waited for whatever he was going to say next, hoping he had said the right words because he hated this tension between them unless it ended in them fucking. Tonight, he suspected it wasn’t the case.

“You’ll love it, baby,” Shane said, smiling up at him. God, his cheeks were an adorable tone of pink and Ryan’s heart melted. “It’s just a photo shoot, so you’re not gonna—you are not gonna see me acting a scene.” He cleared, swallowing visibly. “I don’t want to expose you to that, I think it would be no good for either of us… right now.”

Ryan nodded. This was reason #635474827394 why he adored this man.

“Yeah…” Ryan smiled. “Thank you.”

“Though,” Shane sounded like he was warning him, and Ryan’s back went rigid listening to him. “I will have my dick out.”

“Oh.” Ryan chuckled. “I don’t blame them for that, yours can barely stay in place in those fucking chinos you dare to wear.”

“Hey,” Shane faked offense, Ryan laughed at his voice tone. “Leave my nice and fitting pants alone, I know you love them well.”

“Oh, I do.” Ryan’s eyebrows went up, almost meeting his hairline. “You know what else I would love?” He looked at Shane’s lap, the man was already biting his bottom lip. “If you would stop fucking teasing me and fuck me with that big dick already.”

Shane laughed now, even when Ryan wasn’t finding it funny anymore. God, he wanted him so bad… and yet—

“Soon, baby,” he said. “My results come out that day, actually.” He moved his eyebrows up and down. “Maybe I’ll fuck you in a reindeer costume or something.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

* * *

 

Shane hadn’t been lying when he talked about costumes for his Christmas Special photoshoot.

“I’m always serious about costumes, baby,” Shane said with a big smile as the makeup lady, Adriana, kept working on him for the shoot.

Ryan chuckled, his face was hurting from smiling so much with this man since they had left their apartment earlier in the afternoon.

He had been nervous about visiting set, so nervous he didn’t stop to think about how it may actually be. To his happy surprise, the set was a very clean and well-equipped building, an office of sorts, discreet and actually not very far away from their place.

Every film set was private enough that he didn’t hear anything weird even when Ryan had been told there were people working in some. And in this one in particular, Shane was the star. At least for this set of pictures.

“How are you feeling?” Shane asked, he was clean-shaven today and fuck—he looked great with whatever.

“I’m alright,” Ryan answered, cheeks still feeling warm. “Nothing to worry about. Yet.”

Shane smiled brightly at him. “Hopefully it will stay like that the rest of the hour.”

Ryan nodded, he was hopeful about it, too.

Watching Shane get ready for the pictures they were taking distracted him enough from his nervousness, and Ryan even found himself laughing with the girls helping Shane out to choose a costume to wear. And, because he was Like That, he took a pseudo-Santa suit that made Ryan want to slap his own face.

“Are you for real?” Ryan murmured, seeing Shane taking off his clothes in his little, assigned dressing room.

The man smirked in his direction, but kept working out his clothes. “Of course, baby. What’s a good Christmas without some nasty Santa action?”

“Jesus.” Ryan wheezed, maybe not the best thing to say in this situation and during these days.

“Mmm, I guess he’s too young at the moment to understand.”

“Oh God!” Ryan laughed, hitting Shane in the shoulder slightly while sitting in the couch near Shane’s changing spot.

They fell in comfortable silence after, Ryan admiring his boyfriend as he changed into his Santa costume while humming the stupidity that was Santa Baby. All Ryan could think was that these had been the best four months he’d had in a while, and he couldn’t wait to live so many more of them with Shane.

“Wow…” Ryan murmured, crossing his arms as Shane looked back at him for a few seconds, only to smirk and put his white shirt inside his red pants, fixing the black belt to then take the red jacket. “Holy shit, this is unfair.”

Shane was laughing now, looking at himself in the mirror as he fixed the cuffs of the jacket by turning them to reveal white underneath them—like it was really the Santa suit Coke had been selling for years and beyond. He buttoned it up, black buttons of course, black shoes… and then, Shane was standing in front of Ryan, arms open.

“What do you think?”

He had the chance to give Shane an appreciative up and down look, and so Ryan took it happily, licking his lips before biting the bottom one to emphasize how this stupid concept made him feel.

“Like I said, unfair.”

“Yeah?” Shane gave a twirl, showed his back and moved his hips a little. Ryan’s dick fucking twitched awake at the sight. “How so?”

“Unfairly beautiful.”

The man laughed, turning slowly while still humming that stupid song. Ryan wheezed, probably as red as the suit, but stood up when his boyfriend offered his hands and even followed him in his silly dancing.

“ _Think of all the fun I've missed_ …” He sang, and Ryan smiled wide and stupid as Shane made him slow dance with him. “ _Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed_ —“

Shane guided him to twirl away from him, Ryan laughed as he let himself enjoy the silliness of his boyfriend, happily going back to his chest when Shane made him roll back into his arms.

“ _Next year I could be also good_ …” Shane turned him gentle and in rhythm, Ryan’s back to his chest, mouth close to Ryan’s ear where he kept singing. “ _If you'll check off my Christmas list_.”

They kept slow dancing, Shane’s hips thrusting slightly into him every few steps, making Ryan want to throw him into the couch he had been sitting on and ride his cock until the new year. Instead, he kept laughing when the man made him give another twirl and then dramatically caught him in his arms, bending them both to give him a movie kiss.

His arms rounded Shane’s neck to play the part, his heart belonged to him to the point it beat so fast like it was trying to escape his chest and nest on Shane’s where it belonged. Shane bit his bottom lip lazily, dragging it with him a little when he pulled away.

“So, you approve?”

Ryan was on his tiptoes now, Shane had gotten them back to normal and fuck—this man was a fucking beanpole, way too fucking tall! And yet, he made Ryan melt just at the sight of his contagious smile and the sound of his life-saving laugh.

He nodded, hands going down on Shane’s shoulders and chest, giving him an appreciative look.

“Never thought I would be hot for Santa.” He laughed with Shane. “And here I am.”

Smiling, Shane kissed his cheek before taking his hand and guide them outside where the set was ready and everyone was just waiting for Shane.

Ryan let go of his hand, sighing as he saw him take place at the couch in the middle of the set, expression changing to the hungriest bedroom eyes he’s ever seen.

What was he thinking of?

The man walked slowly, getting closer to the scene they were taking photos of when a man straddled Shane’s lap in some sort of Mrs. Claus outfit that looked so— provocative, he may have liked it if this wasn’t his man squeezing someone else’s ass.

 _It’s for a picture_ , he reminded himself.

Just some pictures.

* * *

 

In retrospect, Ryan did better than he thought he would on set back then.

Still, he had felt a little bit awkward and lowkey (ok, maybe high-key) jealous until Shane noticed and asked for a time out to go check on him. It had only made Ryan feel worse. This man was too nice, Ryan didn’t deserve him.

“Pfft—“ Shane exclaimed, disbelieve on his face. “You don’t deserve me? Ryan, baby…” His long fingers cradled his face and Ryan sighed. “I could only dream of dating you, but somehow you looked at me. Honestly, if someone got lucky, that’s me and by far!”

“That’s not true!” Ryan got away from him, he had a knot in his throat and all he wanted was to get home. “I keep saying I’m going to not be jealous and shit, and yet—“

Shane chuckled, his hands going gently to his shoulders.

“Babe, that’s normal. You can’t expect yourself to just get used to it right away. It’s just your first time watching, and hey— you are doing way better than before.”

He couldn’t tell if it made him feel better or not, Ryan just hid his face on Shane’s chest and sighed.

The man rounded him with his long arms, cheek on Ryan’s head, slowly rocking them. Ryan imagined him with his eyes closed like he had his, he hugged his waist and swallowed— this was good. This was really good.

“Hey…” Shane spoke against his head. “I gotta get back to the shoot. If you want, you can stay in the dressing room…” He cleared his throat. “Or go home if you prefer it.”

Ryan shook his head no slowly, still hiding his face on Shane’s chest.

“Okay.” The man kissed his head, massaging his biceps. “You wanna give me a hand?”

“Uh?” Ryan looked up, arms around Shane still.

“I need…” he took one of Ryan’s hands, slowly moving it to his front. “An erection for the next pictures.” As he said that, he pressed Ryan’s hand to the front of his pants, over his crotch.

“Jesus…” Ryan jumped, looking around without taking his hand from there anyway, making Shane laugh and hide him better by putting himself in front of Ryan. “Here?” He frowned.

“Oh, so now you are decent and reserved.” He laughed. “After you wanted a blowjob in the cinema?”

“It was—“ His cheeks burned, but Ryan could feel the stretch of a smile in the corner of his lips. “It was the last movie and it’s dark there!”

Shane kept laughing, shaking his head before giving Ryan that one look that melted him every time. The man caressed his cheek, fingers going to his chin softly before staying on his neck and jaw. His breathing became heavy, Shane’s hands were so big, fingers so long, he could touch his cheek, jaw and neck at the same time, even if just a little.

It made him shiver.

Apparently, Ryan had a size kink now and loved the idea of having such a big partner. Happy new year.

“You are on a porn set, Ryan.” Shane smiled, something nervous behind his tone, hope in his eyes. “Your boyfriend is a pornstar.” His hips went front, cock against Ryan’s hand. He squeezed it softly, making Shane shiver, his free hand holding Ryan in place harder by his shoulder.

“You are kinkier than you show,” Shane said, Ryan started to massage his crotch without taking his eyes away from him. “And I love that.” The man smiled, Ryan could feel him getting harder in his hand and fuck— he was getting hard himself.

“God knows I’ve wanted a partner like you— so beautiful and strong, so good to me.” He murmured, and Ryan licked his lips and kept massaging Shane through the red pants of his costume. “Fuck, baby…”

Shane closed his eyes, the hand on his neck was now in Ryan’s hair, fisting it and tugging softly as his hand went faster.

There was something certainly hot about doing this here where everyone could see and tell what was going on, but people around them didn’t even seem to notice. They kept moving shit, changing the set of the next scene to photograph, models went to their dressing rooms, and here Ryan was…

Opening his boyfriend’s pants, taking out his dick from his boxers, giving it a few strokes before spitting on his palm and going back to his shaft.

“Yeah, like that—” Shane moaned softly, almost making no sound. Lucky for Ryan, he was close enough to know otherwise. “You have no idea how much I wanted you since the beginning.”

“Yeah?” Ryan swallowed, he was feeling way too warm. “Really?”

“Yes!” He moaned, still no one looked in their direction. Ryan smiled as he gathered the pre-come in Shane’s tip with a finger, taking it to his mouth. “Fuck…”

He smiled at Shane, making sure to suck on his finger as graphically as possible, knowing well he looked stupid if viewed from the outside. Still, he felt satisfied when Shane’s dick twitched so strong, all Ryan could think of was how it would feel moving inside him and shit, he wanted him so bad.

“You better be fucking me tonight,” Ryan said, hand going back into action, making Shane close his eyes and move his hips into Ryan’s fist. “I’ve wanted you to for so long, it’s insane.”

“Fuck—” He murmured, his cheeks were getting redder and it made Ryan’s cock more interested, twitching in his pants. “Yeah, yeah—I’m gonna fuck you so hard…” He said, opening his eyes and looking at Ryan’s. “Fuck, you’re gonna limp for days.”

The best part of that was that Shane was right, he may as well end up limping for at least one or two days. Ryan looked down, watching Shane fuck his fist, admiring the length of him, the wide head. It made his mouth water, it reminded him how much he was into this, how much he loved to be filled.

Everything he did with Shane was fantastic, but Ryan could tell already that getting him inside was going to be one of his favorite things in the world.

“Yeah—“ Ryan chuckled, going down Shane’s shaft ever so slowly, then up as such. “You are so fucking big,” He licked his lips. “You’re gonna split me in half…”

Shane smirked wide, moving his hips up. “You sound so happy about it.”

Ryan only smiled back, hoping he looked as sexy as he felt talking like this in public. “Oh, I am.”

The man moaned one more time before stopping his hand with his. Ryan swallowed and looked at his— _handy_ work.

“That’s perfect, baby.” Shane kissed him, just a peck on the lips and Ryan followed him to no avail. “Thanks for your help.”

“Shane—“

He put a finger up, softly against Ryan’s lips and smirked that hungry smile he always directed to him when he wanted to rile him up.

“You’ll get your reward…” He promised, Ryan felt himself getting harder. “When we get home.”

Fuck.

* * *

 

“Woah!” Kelsey exclaimed when Ryan walked by her desk to get to his. “Look at that!” She laughed, everyone looked at Ryan and the man felt numb.

So. He was limping a tiny bit. Big deal.

“Had a good night, buddy?” Brent pretty much yelled from his seat, five and to the left opposite to Ryan’s.

Everyone laughed as Ryan showed him his middle finger with a big smile anyway.

Sitting down felt a little like hell but man, was it worth it. Just the thought of last night made him blush furiously, heart racing in his chest, body all warm. He should have known better than to come to work, he should have stayed at home, in bed with his man.

Ryan sighed, getting his laptop out his bag and starting his desk computer, willing to work today as it had started so good—today, he had decided, was going to be the best day of his fucking life.

“Man, are you happy.” He heard Jen’s voice, when he looked to his right, she was taking the chair from Mark’s desk, Kelsey strolling like a child towards them from the other side. “I guess the photoshoot thing went well?”

“Yeah...” He sighed, answering only until Kelsey was with them. “I was a little uncomfortable at first but eventually loosened up.”

“See, I told you it wasn’t so bad,” Kelsey said with a smile. “And I see your night had a happy ending.”

He laughed, feeling his face blush.

“He didn’t fuck you until now, huh?” She said, and Ryan bit his cheek inside his mouth, not liking where things seemed to go. “I’ve been waiting for you to limp in here since you two started dating.”

“Dude…” He murmured. “Can we not discuss my sex life like this?” And he went directly to his computer.

In the silence, Ryan felt Jen move away while Kelsey stayed. She put a hand on his shoulder and Ryan sighed, looking back at her with a frown.

“Hey…” She murmured, face worried. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or something.”

“It doesn’t offend me.” He cleared. “It’s just that—Shane is not a hook-up.” Ryan explained. “He is my boyfriend and I—“ Swallowing, Ryan tried to make sense in his head, but he also suspected it made no sense to swallow it anymore. “I love him.”

Kelsey was smiling now, as if she had been waiting to hear that. Or maybe she just already knew. Ryan had been told before he was obvious when in love, and maybe this time wasn’t any different—even when it felt like it, like the best one, and like the first, and the last. Incredible.

“I know we’ve been together for a small amount of time, but God—“ His heart hurt while talking, but it did in a good way. “He’s the best of my year, and I truly thought nothing good would come out of this year after what happened with my ex.”

It hurt like when your entire body aches but you get hugged by the person you trust the most, who had become comfort and security. Like when you had a cold and suddenly you took a spoon of the best soup your grandma has ever made, and it makes you want to cry.

His heart was being cuddled, had tasted happiness, it hurt so good.

“So, uhm—our intimacy is private.” Ryan sighed. “As much as it’s possible because I know everyone has figured out why I’m limping.”

The woman snorted, sounding like some sort of adorable pig. Ryan rolled his eyes and pushed her chair away, she laughed loudly and hey—bless this woman for introducing Shane to his life in the first place.

As she went to her desk, Ryan checked his phone to find a text from Shane. He had sent a picture, and Ryan lowered his phone to see it. Just in ca—God, good thing he did that.

Smiling, he licked his lips and bit his bottom lip, looking at an outtake of Shane’s photoshoot with the man sitting on the Santa chair that had been part of the set while stroking his fully erect dick.

(9:27) jesus fuck, that’s an excellent dick

10/10 would ride again

Ryan’s own reacted to the image, he hoped Mark or Garrett, both guys sitting by each of his sides, didn’t appear too soon. He sat down further, lap hidden from sight, just in case.

(9:28) _Though you would like it_

 _Wanna see more_?

He was nodding like an idiot as he read, sending his answer to the man in their apartment. A series of pictures started to come and shit, shit, shit—it was going to be difficult to work his entire schedule today with those pictures in mind.

(9:31) so beautiful

(9:32) _(:_

_Wanna sit on Santa’s lap?_

(9:32) WHY ARE YOU THIS GROSS

… yes, please

(9:33) _[kiss emoji]_

_The real deal is waiting for your pretty ass at home._

_How’s the limp?_

Ryan laughed, this man’s ability from being hot and funny at the same time was one of the best surprises he got when they started to sleep together. He truly loved this guy—he really loved each little detail of him, the life he had, the person he had become and met Ryan.

(9:43) gotta work but

wanna ride that cock

(9:44) _You’re gonna be limping forever, Bergara._

_Is that what you want?_

(9:45) YES, please sir

and thank you, sir

Ryan went back to work when he didn’t get an immediate answer, sighing as he opened the script he was working on. He knew Shane was also working at home, finishing his thesis so that maybe his dad could check it out when they went to Illinois in just two days.

God, the idea was both exciting and terrifying. Was it too soon to meet the parents? Ryan shook his head—he was an adult, he knew what he wanted in the future and had finally found a person whose plans could fit his if they worked it out together later in their lives.

He got another picture.

Of Shane’s big notorious hard-on on his fucking chinos.

Ryan took a deep breath, dick twitching in his pants. He opened his eyes and smiled wide.

That was an excellent cock he was getting.

* * *

 

By all means, yes it was.

“Well,” Ryan sighed, sounding dreamy and hungry. “This is the best welcome I’ve ever gotten.”

“Really?” Shane said from his place at their couch, smiling at him like his dick wasn’t out and erect. “In that case…” His legs parted further, Ryan smiled wide and probably very stupid. “Welcome home!”

They were supposed to be packing today, for tomorrow night was their flight and Ryan had always been an obsessive bitch, but maybe not today. Not when his motherfucking hot boyfriend was wearing that ridiculously sexy Santa suit, styled as in the photoshoot, with his pants open, cock up in all its long glory.

Ryan licked his lips, making sure with a hand behind him that the door of their apartment was locked. He walked inside, leaving his bag, shoes, and cap on the small couch, eyes glued to Shane’s hand moving gently on his cock, jerking lazily just to keep him entertained

It was an excellent view, better than any picture he had seen today.

“So…” Ryan murmured right in front of Shane who kept jerking his dick. “All that teasing at work was for this…?”

“Mmm.” Shane’s thumb caressed the head of his cock as he smirked, Ryan’s twitched inside his pants. “I told you the real deal was waiting for that sweet ass of yours.”

“God.”

He couldn’t help but get on his knees, making Shane chuckle as he sat better to watch as Ryan took place between his legs, eyes on the very red and hard target.

Closing his eyes, his tongue went out and licked the tip gently. He kept the kitten licks for as long as he could get away with it, making Shane shiver and moan with a hand on Ryan’s head.

Ryan’s lips covered the wide glans, sucking slightly before slowly going down with his tongue licking the length of Shane’s cock, giving it small suctions for every kiss on skin as he went up again, following the vein in his dick.

“Shit—“ Shane moaned, it became fog in Ryan’s head and he tried to keep going until the man tugged at his hair to make him look up. “Ah-ah, baby.” He said, licking his lips before speaking again. “You gotta tell me if you’ve been good this year.”

“Fucker,” Ryan said, he had a huge smile on his face, and a huge boner eager to keep going.

Still, he stood up and took off his shoes, quickly taking his socks and jeans away. His fingers stayed on the elastic of his boxers, looking at Shane for indications of what to do with them. The man smirked even wider, shaking his head no and making Ryan leave his clothes there to then signal his shirt.

“Neither,” Shane murmured, palming his lap playfully with both hands to indicate where he wanted Ryan.

Ryan went to his lap immediately, straddling his hips, erection against Shane’s belly, his cock against Ryan’s ass. The man moaned a little when Ryan rocked up and down, stimulation so good for both, he couldn’t wait to have the man inside him already.

“So,” Shane said, one hand on Ryan’s waist, the other helping him adjust. His dick was now against Ryan’s and the image made him smile for some reason. “Have you been a good boy this year, Ryan?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice sounded alien even to him. Small. So fucking ridiculous, yet so fitting. Shane started to massage his thigh with his free hand gently, eyes on Ryan’s face. “I’ve been good.”

“How?” Shane leaned back against the couch, both hands on Ryan’s waist now.

Ryan smiled at him, his cheeks feeling warm and hard. This was embarrassing, he would judge any of his friends if someone talked about doing this with their partner during a reunion or something. But here in Shane’s lap, all he could do was move his ass, give him some friction as he got a kick himself.

“I always come after the person I’m inside of,” he said, hoping Shane was going for dirty and that he liked Ryan’s part. The man, arched an eyebrow, his smile not going anywhere, so he kept going. “And swallow everything.”

“Oh, that you do?” He murmured, eyes scanning Ryan in front of him. “What else, baby boy?”

God, this shouldn’t be hot, and yet Ryan was sure his boxers were sporting a wet spot by now. Ryan swallowed, thinking fast of what else to say, trying his best to not lose his voice, as he was turned on to the point that his mind was mostly sex soup.

“I…” He started, Shane looked up, big hands going to him. Ryan laughed, closing his eyes with his skin filling in goosebumps at the contact. Shane’s hands went inside his boxers, squeezing his ass after pushing down the material of his underwear. “I touch myself… thinking of just of my boyfriend.”

Ryan opened his eyes, Shane was looking at him with the most lustful expression in the world. He pulled his boxers down with his hands, making Ryan stand for a moment. The man helped him out of his underwear and immediately pulled him to his lap again, lips claiming his in a kiss full of teeth and tongue.

Ryan’s fingers played with Shane’s hair, messing with it as his tongue played dirty with his. Shane explored his mouth like it was the first time, hips moving slightly up to seek friction in Ryan’s ass and all he could do was moan, rubbing himself on Shane’s stomach.

“You’ve been so good…” Shane murmured against his lips.

Ryan smiled at him, nodding enthusiastically. “I take my boyfriend’s huge cock without hesitation.” Shane laughed at that, the cacophony in his chest vibrating against Ryan’s, he couldn’t help but smile as well. “And the other night I was able to deep throat him!”

The man laughed again, this was such a weird scenario. And yet—

“He makes me so hard, I want to be good for him.”

Shane smiled, there was a shine in his eyes Ryan hadn’t seen before. All that lust and all that care of his, but something else—he was truly enjoying this, whatever it was. Ryan bit his bottom lip, caressing the hair in the bottom of Shane’s neck, smiling at him.

“I want to ride his big dick and make him come so hard, he’ll see stars.”

“Shit—“ Shane moved his arm, searching for something at his side without taking his eyes off Ryan so he kept looking at him. “Baby, yes…”

“You think that’ll be good enough for him?” He asked, moving his head to one side, dick harder than ever.

“Fuck yeah.”

They kissed again, Ryan could feel Shane doing something at his back, but all he managed to do was moan when the man went down his neck, kissing and sucking in places he knew he could cover easily.

It was so nice to be marked, truth was that he loved to have hickies, and to leave them himself, but work had both of them in front of cameras all the time, and Ryan appreciated how careful and an expert in the theme Shane was.

Shane’s tongue made a line from Ryan’s collarbone to his jaw, teeth softly taking his bottom lip before kissing him once more, messy and wet as though they hadn’t been at this for months by now.

“Uhm,” Ryan exclaimed, looking back and down to see one of Shane’s fingers going for his hole. He had felt the slightly cold sensation of the lube, and had jumped at it.

“Lift a little, love,” Shane said, and Ryan nodded as he lifted his ass to let him in.

“Oh, fuck…” Ryan moaned as Shane’s finger caressed his rim in circles, making it wet, teasing him like the motherfucker he was. “Yes, fuck me…“

Ryan’s back arched at the feeling of Shane’s finger coming in, the sensation of his digit being so long was still a wonderful stimulation for his fogged mind. The man was smiling, eyes wandering around Ryan’s body before his finger moved inside, noticing how he was still a bit loose from the night before.

“Aren’t you sore?” He murmured, Ryan’s eyes were closed and he only shook his head. “Ry, I really need to know—“

“I’m alright.” He answered, pecking his lips and moving his ass to sink down on that finger better, showing off. Shane smiled at him. “Even if it hurts a bit, I like the burn.”

“Mmm…” The man showed him a toothy smile, finger going in and out of Ryan’s body. “Maybe we should try other little pains.” He suggested, making Ryan moan as his imagination ran away. “I bet you’d like to be tied down,” Ryan nodded, rubbing his dick on Shane’s abdomen, probably staining his jacket and nice shirt. “You’re such a slut for dick, you would take it with little prep and almost no lube.”

“Yes!” Ryan’s eyes closed, hips moving with Shane’s finger. “Daddy, more—more, more…”

For a second, Ryan looked up, waiting to see if it was okay or if he had killed the moment with his shit.

“Fuck.” Shane murmured, quickly doing his best to put another finger inside Ryan, the man smiled at how fucked his boyfriend sounded.

It was okay then, the little act made Ryan smile and move his hips on Shane’s fingers. He closed his eyes, arching his back as Shane worked him up just nicely.

“So fucking hungry all the time,” Shane said and Ryan nodded. “I’m going to get you a nice plug with a vibrator as a Christmas gift.”

Ryan laughed at that, opening his eyes to Shane’s curious gaze. He wasn’t judging him, the man seemed to be enjoying the show Ryan was making by fucking himself on Shane’s fingers, calling him daddy, being so needy.

Hell, he hasn’t even noticed when his boyfriend had stopped moving his own fingers, just letting Ryan fuck himself as he wished.

“I already have one— _mmhmmm_ —but thanks,” Ryan said, trying his best not to moan too much, too needy. Yet, every time a sound came out his mouth, Shane seemed to drink on it and crave for more.

“Oh you do, do you?” He chuckled. “How do you use it, baby?” He swallowed, licking his lips while adding another finger into Ryan, making the man arch his back and moan louder. “Do you put it in the morning and walk around that happy little office of yours?”

“Shane!”

“Aaah,” He moaned, his cock twitching between them, looking redder with each word. Ryan kept moving his hips, desperate to be loose enough for Shane to finally fuck him. “Maybe I’ll gift you something better.”

Ryan laughed as he put space between them, making Shane’s cock stand larger and bigger against Ryan’s. This way, Shane could see Ryan’s own cock bouncing against his stomach as he rocked his hips, getting his fingers in and out. For the way Shane was smiling, Ryan knew he was satisfied with the view.

“I know what will make you happy.” He bit his bottom lip, Ryan blinked a couple of times as the man kept his fingers inside, searching. “There’s a guy that sometimes work with us, and you know what? He makes the best gifts.”

“Yeah?” Ryan moaned, closing his eyes as he concentrated on the length of Shane’s fingers. “What is it…?”

“Dildos,” Shane said, amusement clear in his voice. Ryan smiled and looked down at him, about to make fun of that. “Now, you probably have ten of those.”

“Shut up—”

“But none molded after daddy’s cock,” Shane said, and Ryan’s thoughts stopped altogether as he looked at his boyfriend’s face for a sign that this was a joke. “I bet you’ll fuck yourself with it every time we are apart.”

Ryan nodded, not sure of why, but— the idea of having a toy molded after Shane’s was… well. That was another level of YES he was more than willing to go into.

His boyfriend seemed pleased at that, smiling wide as his eyes traveled over Ryan’s face and body, Shane’s fingers scissoring inside him, making him throw his head back and moan.

“Look at you,” Shane said, and Ryan’s ass clenched around his fingers and he started to whine, “you want to swallow me in, don’t you?” He looked up, Ryan bit his bottom lip and moaned. “Another one?”

“Your cock, please.”

“Nope, I want you nice and lose for me.”

“I can take it!” He stopped moving at the sensation of Shane expanding his fingers inside him, whatever conversation they were having suddenly forgotten. “Fuck, fuck—“

He could feel his eyes filling with pleasure tears, his hips making circular movements as he enjoyed the way Shane had started to finger him faster.

Ryan collapsed on his chest, breathing hard and moaning louder as Shane kept fingering him. The sounds coming from the action was ridiculous and the soft moans of his boyfriend combined with his own made a song he was loving more and more.

“Turn around,” Shane said.

“What?” He looked up, frowning and oh shit—he had drooled on Shane’s chest. “Uhm, daddy—“

“Turn around, sweetheart, come on.”

Blinking, Ryan moved while missing the loss of Shane’s fingers inside him. He heard him produce a condom, tearing the package and quickly putting it on as Ryan kept his ass hovering Shane’s lap, looking at the TV and blu-ray in front of them.

He frowned, listening to the lube being uncapped, unaware of Shane’s faces as he touched himself with the liquid on his fingers, but pretty much listening to every sound and movement until Shane’s hand went to his waist and the man started to move him down.

“Come on, baby…” He murmured, Ryan looked back and saw him smiling at him. “Just sit there.”

Slowly and with Shane’s help, Ryan sank down on his cock until all of his boyfriend was inside him. He sighed in some sort of relief and pleasure, probably smiling as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of being filled the way this man did. It was like if they had been made to fit each other in every way, including sex.

He heard Shane laugh a little, bending him a bit to the front, and Ryan looked back. The man coaxed him up, his feet on the floor again as he moved until just the tip of Shane’s dick was inside him, and then Shane pushed him back down after parting his legs further, eyes glued to the image of his cock disappearing into Ryan’s ass.

“Gorgeous…” He murmured, “Fuck, baby. You should see it, it’s so beautiful…” He kissed the back of his neck, Ryan moved his hips in circles as he got used to the slight burn of having Shane inside. “God—“

“Shane,” Ryan let his back against Shane’s chest, looking up at him as his boyfriend looked back with a smile, “Daddy, please…”

“Uhm,” The man kissed him, his hands on his waist, keeping him in position. “Go on, take your pleasure.”

With his hands on the couch, one behind Shane and the other at their side on the seat, he followed his impulses and went up by his own. He felt Shane’s large hands take him by the inside of his thighs and let him help him down again.

Ryan’s knees may hurt later, he realized as he supported his feet on the couch to move better and go faster. Shane let go of him, letting him fuck himself on his cock as the man kissed Ryan’s neck.

He sucked tiny marks into the conjecture of his shoulder and neck, biting a little before going up to kiss behind his ear, playing with his lobe and sucking it before biting his ear a little. Ryan could hear him moan, feel the resonances of his pleasure in Shane’s chest, giving goosebumps to Ryan’s body.

It made him wonder if Shane felt his, too and if he felt the same way; if maybe the pleasure coming from knowing how turned on Ryan was — how much he was enjoying this — was doing things to Shane the same way it did to Ryan every time he noticed his boyfriend lost in the pleasure Ryan gave him.

By God, this was incredible.

The way Shane filled him, how it hurt a little because he was bigger than others he had taken before, and how much Ryan wanted to stay like this as long as they could. With this in mind, he closed his eyes so tight, he saw colorful spots and stars after opening them, feeling Shane moving under him.

Shane’s hand that was on his waist moved a bit, caressing his abdomen and going up his chest until it was on his neck. Ryan moaned louder, resting his head on Shane’s shoulder even when it had made his thrusts turn slower and clumsy.

But the man’s hand was on his neck, gently squeezing to prevent air from coming in or out, making Ryan open his mouth and call him in a pleasured chant of ‘Shane, Shane, Shane’ accompanied by his moans and sighs.

“Oh fuck, yes!” Ryan looked down, his cock was dripping pre-come on his shirt, breaking the position they had been in. Shane’s hand went to his side, the man had just started to move in rhythm with Ryan, making the penetrations deeper and stronger. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuuuck—“

Shane groaned against his neck, his arm holding Ryan by his waist, helping him move over his cock. He felt him handling him a bit better after Shane had slipped out, and Ryan pretty much yelled in pleasure when Shane’s cock hit his prostate at his second attempt with another angle.

“Yeah?” Shane murmured against the back of his neck. “There, baby boy? Feels good there?” And all Ryan could do was nod, almost desperate, wanting the man to just move again. “Like this?” He said, hips rising up to meet that delicious end again.

“Fuck, fuck—“

“Yes, baby?” He smiled, Ryan could feel it against his skin. He had stopped moving in time with Shane, and the guy was pretty much carrying him on his hands and chest, fucking into him with all he had. “My baby’s so responsive…”

Shane kissed his cheek, going down to his mouth, playing with his tongue as he kept fucking him just so good, and so right. Jesus, all Ryan wanted was to come like this, untouched and completely undone just from Shane’s cock and dirty talk, from his kisses and his care that tasted so much like love.

“Shane, please—“

“Uhm,” He nodded, pushing him out the couch, pulling out of him as they changed positions once more.

Ryan didn’t let him stand as he seemed to want to, he turned around faster and hugged his neck with his arms, kissing him messy as he moved quickly to get Shane inside him again. Ryan took him with one hand, guided Shane inside him and moaned in his mouth when he felt full.

A small bridge of saliva connected his lips to Shane’s when he pulled away, circling his hips once more to adjust better to the new position.

He could see Shane’s face like this, Ryan smiled at him when he went up and then down, slowly going up and down again, up and down just a tiny bit heavier, eyes closing with the smoother sensation now that his hole was more used to the intrusion.

With Shane’s hands holding his hips, helping him go faster, Ryan’s mouth opened and he let out each moan and plea for Shane’s stamina to never end, for his boyfriend to keep fucking him like this.

He couldn’t help but remember the feeling of jerking him off in public, where everyone could see them. Or how hot he felt as Shane pinned him down on the mattress just the night before, and when he found him masturbating with his name on the tip of his tongue, the man’s face when Ryan fucked him, the delicious moans he let out.

“Jesus, Ry—“

Ryan opened his eyes, Shane had thrown his head back and was moaning louder, breathing heavier as he hips had started to move with Ryan’s again.

His hands grabbed Shane’s shoulders, supporting himself as he happily bounced on his cock, wanting to take him to that place—where sex was love’s instrument, pleasure another poem to express those deeper, every day bigger, feelings he was getting for the man almost since the second they met.

Beyond the fogginess of his mind, Ryan could see him, walking around his apartment in his red flannel and a cap, awkwardly trying to make himself smaller as Ryan explained the plan he had to pay the services and how much of rent he would have to pay if he decided to take the room.

Thank God, thank fucking God Shane had taken the offer.

“Oh, oh, ooohhh…” Ryan moaned. “Daddy, I’m—“

“Mmm? Like this?” Shane said, one hand caressing Ryan’s cheek as they kept moving. It was hard to move like this, but Ryan opened his eyes and saw him smiling, his cheeks and nose a little bit red. “You gonna come for me, baby boy?”

“Yes, yes, I’m gonna—oh god, I’m—“

“Come for me baby, that’s it, come on…” He kept saying. “Come just from daddy’s cock, baby boy, come for me.”

“God yes, daddy!”

His orgasm hit him even better than before. It exploded at the bottom of his stomach and made Ryan feel as if all his senses were numb for a second, then too aware of everything going on:

Shane fucking faster yet messier into him, his dick spilling come all over their clothes, the loud moans of his own. It all felt in slow motion, underwater, too blissed out of his mind to think of anything else but Shane, Shane, SHANE.

He felt his boyfriend still for a moment and Ryan opened his eyes to admire that blown away expression he always got during an orgasm, the way he closed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly with his cheeks red.

The man groaned something similar to Ryan’s name, hands grabbing at his sides harder. He could already feel the marks at his side, and Ryan smiled, leaning his forehead on Shane’s.

Man, he has never been this satisfied.

* * *

 

“ _Daddy_?” Shane asked as Ryan dried his hair.

He was sitting on the closed toilet, other wise Ryan would never reach his big head, as the man used a towel to make a mess of his has-life-of-its-own hair, trying to dry it after they had taken a shower together.

It was a terribly domestic thing to do, but Ryan loved this— he loved to come home to him and share these little moments of intimacy.

Right now, though… maybe he wouldn’t like this conversation.

“It just slipped…” He said, voice kinda weak.

“Uh,” Shane moved, looking back at him with a friendly smile. “Do you slip kinks on people that often?”

“I—“

To be fair, Shane wasn’t judging him. The man stood in front of him, the towel he was wearing around his waist was a little distracting but Ryan managed to ignore it in order to have this conversation now. He should have known better, he should have known Shane was going to ask.

“No.” Ryan finally said.

“Sweetheart, would you look at me?” Shane said, fingers gently lifting Ryan’s face by his chin. “I’m not mad or freaked out, I want you to tell me what you want.”

“It just slipped!”

Shane laughed, he looked so handsome like this— recently showered, recently satisfied. His hair was pointing in all directions and in another time, that would have been enough to distract Ryan into not thinking the theme in hand.

But, because this man had no chill, Ryan was soon sitting on the toilet with his boyfriend on his knees, looking up at him with an adoring smile.

“If you tell me now that it was just an accident, a one-time thing, I’ll let it go,” Shane said, voice gentle and sweet, yet firm. “But if you have something else to say, I’m listening.”

“I don’t…” Ryan crossed his arms over his chest, Shane followed the movement with his eyes, then looked up at his face again. “I’m not really sure what you mean…”

Even with the towel on his waist, Ryan felt all kinds of naked. The way Shane was looking at him, as if he knew him bare of all fears and inhibitions, it only made him nervous.

Shane’s hands landed at his sides, his left hand caressing Ryan’s skin gently.

“I want you to know you can ask me for things, okay?” He said, making a pause to let Ryan understand. He just nodded, still not so sure. “Good. And I don’t mean that just in sex. You can ask me to shut the fuck up during a movie or clean the damn dishes even if it’s not my turn because you are tired.”

Ryan smiled a little. Shane was— well. He was the best.

“I just like it.” Ryan shrugged. “I’ve never… stopped to think much about it. Should I?”

“It’s just a kink, my love.”

Shane smiled, sighing as he leaned his head on Ryan’s chest. The man sighed, too. He rounded his boyfriend with his arms and kissed the top of his head.

“I can do that,” Shane said after a comfortable silence. “You don’t have to tell me now, but we should know if there’s limits…”

“I don’t really do age play.” Ryan chuckled, suddenly feeling a rush of excitement even if he wasn’t sure for what. “I just like… being called sweet names, I guess,” he said, and Shane smiled. His cheeks were a little pink. It was adorable. “And, uhm…”

“Yeah?”

Ryan swallowed, pretty sure he had never said this to anyone. “I, I like that you’re sweet with me,” he said, his eyes opened big at the realization. “Oh shit, that’s twisted isn’t it?”

Shane chuckled, shaking his head. “Fuck that, it’s not.” He arched an eyebrow, “Baby, kinks are just little things you like to have fun… you are not them.”

“Uhm,”

“Look—“ Shane sighed, he leaned on Ryan’s chest and kissed the middle of it. “You are a wonderful person, full of brightness and so kind, it’s almost stupid.” He said. “You are also a talented man, a hard worker, a good fucking lay,” Ryan laughed at that, Shane smiling up at him, “a weirdo that thinks the wind closing a door is, like, a ghost or something—“

“Hey—“

“And someone who loves his work, lives to research for fun, and who loves popcorn, and Paddington, and sports I definitely don’t know shit about…” Shane shrugged. “You are way too many things to worry about one super common kink.”

Ryan chuckled, his smile probably looked stupid because he genuinely felt like crying, but he wouldn’t when this was such a fulfilling moment of his life. Instead, he sighed and kissed the middle of Shane’s chest before hugging him.

“I love you, big guy.” He said, heart beating faster than it had in his entire life.

The seconds it costed Shane to react made him feel at bay, desperate to find land in sight and be safe.

Shane’s arms rounded him strong yet gentle, exactly how Shane felt like all the time. The man kissed the top of his head and breathed in.

“I love you, too.”

Ryan breathed out with him.

* * *

 

“Motherfuckers, I’m officially aaaaaa—” Ryan sang, Jen drumming on his and Shane’s coffee table while Kelsey moved her hands funny to put all the attention on him, “senior producer for BuzzFeed!”

Shane laughed, applauding with Kelsey and Jen as Ryan closed his eyes and smiled satisfied with his own announcement, making a dramatic reverence, accepting the applauses. Finally another step forward on his career and formation, now ready to die long nights of editing and writing for the next day.

He stood there in his living room, with his boyfriend laying on the couch and their friends sitting on the floor for no other reason than being gay and ignoring perfectly fine furniture to sit on. Ryan smiled, almost running into Shane’s arms as the man sat down to welcome him into a strong hug, kissing his head as he congratulated him.

A year ago today, Shane had been living in his apartment for just a week. Today, it was theirs and the one that had been his room was now his friends’ crashing room for terrible mistakes done on Friday and/or Saturday, bathroom just there at its side for bad mornings of even worse hangovers.

Today, his boyfriend cuddled him as they heard the whole story of how Kelsey had met Jen’s dad for the first time after years of dating, knowing tomorrow was her big day—she was asking Jen to marry her, and everyone knew the answer already.

“So Shane, my bitch,” Kelsey said, grabbing a fist of popcorn.

“ _Jesus_ ,” Shane exclaimed, Ryan laughed at his side while Jen shook her head at Kelsey’s.

“I heard your contract just ended.” She said, moving her eyebrows up and down while looking at Shane, chewing on her popcorn.

“Yeah, a few days ago, actually,” he clarified, Ryan sighed listening to it again.

“So, what’s the plan?” The blonde asked.

Shane moved his head to one side, thinking of his answer with his eyes lost in nowhere. Ryan was looking firmly at him, his expressions, whatever was gonna happen now. For what his boyfriend had told him, he could renew his contract if he wanted, but at the same time was thinking of taking some time before working again to finish his thesis.

Whatever he was about to say, Ryan wanted to hear it too.

“Not much, I may not renew,” He said, she nodded and took more popcorn. Ryan frowned at the almost empty plate, taking a fist of his own. “I like the company, though… but I need to finish my thesis.”

“Fuck, you are still doing that?” She frowned. “My condolences.”

“Shut up, it’s fun.”

“Neeeeeerd!”

Ryan laughed with the girls, watching as Shane rolled his eyes but said nothing, almost like if he was avoiding the subject.

Things on that matter had become easier, normal to the point that Ryan had met and constantly hung out with plenty of Shane’s co-workers. They usually had dinner with them on the weekends and a few Wednesdays when Ryan got out early and accompanied Shane to set.

He wondered if he’d miss it somehow if Shane decided to leave it, even if just for a while.

“You are gonna be in hot teacher mode, right?” Kelsey asked. Ryan blinked, just noticing now that they had kept talking and he had spaced out a bit. Shane nodded. “Cool, you gotta be in this one video a friend is doing—it’s about inappropriate crushes and I swear to fucking god, the hot for teacher story is the best one.”

“If you are gonna pay me…”

“Me?” She frowned, “Nah, sugar daddy BuzzFeed will! You know the drill, baby.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” He smiled, “you are gonna be the death of me if you keep giving me all these parts of hot-something.”

“People love you, man,” Jen commented, and Ryan nodded when Shane looked at him. He has seen the comments and alright, back off.

“Yeah, and hey—they don’t know what’s in your pants,”

“Jesus fuck, woman!” Shane laughed, cheeks getting red.

“If they knew, they would be _demanding_ you in more videos.”

Shane put a hand on his mouth, laughing with him and Jen, Kelsey sporting that satisfied smirk of hers. They stayed like this for longer than they ever had, talking and throwing each other popcorn in attempts and shutting the other up.

This was what a good life felt like.

* * *

 

A good life, indeed.

“Fuck, why even when I’m fucking you it feels like I’m the one getting fucked?” Ryan laughed way too fucking happy after his orgasm. “God, do I fucking love you.” He sighed, chest still rising and falling.

Shane laughed at his side, just as sweaty and out of breath. “You say that every time, it’s taking away the specialness of it.”

“Shut up, Shane.” He chuckled. “There are never enough love confessions.” He said against the skin of his shoulder before kissing it and standing to go into the bathroom.

He grabbed a towel and wet it in the sink, cleaning Shane’s come from his stomach before going out to clean Shane of his, between his legs.

The man smiled at him with his sleepy face, such tender expression shouldn’t be allowed and yet, it was for Ryan’s to see and enjoy only. He sighed again, throwing the towel in the floor before climbing back into bed to lay on Shane’s chest.

“I got something to tell you, Mr. Senior Producer.” He murmured after a while.

Ryan blinked the sleepiness away and made a sound to indicate he was listening.

“I’m not going to renew my contract, or… at least not for a week.”

“Mmm, and why is that?”

Shane’s fingers caressed his hair nicely, his other arm across Ryan’s back as he spoke again. “Well, I want to try something new.” He said, then sighed. “Wanna do my own shit, I guess.”

“Sounds amazing, honey…” He answered, more asleep than awake.

He felt the man moving, probably to see him with his eyes closed. Shane chuckled, it felt nice against his body, those vibrations of his laugh.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m gonna have an office job for a week, and if I like it I will stay.”

“That’s good.”

“Mmhm.” Shane kissed his head. “It’s gonna be fun being your intern, Mr. Bergara.”

Ryan’s eyes opened at that, immediately looking up. Shane winked at him, and he felt his frown going deeper. Was he, was he serious right now?

“What… what do you mean?”

“I’m saying that starting Tuesday, I’m gonna be an intern at BuzzFeed.” He said, simple as that. “And if I like it after a week, well then I’m not renewing my contract.” He shrugged. “Porn actor turned YouTuber sounds like a story the internet would love.”

The internet, BuzzFeed’s public, would absolutely fucking devour that.

“Are you serious?” He asked, knowing well he was smiling like a complete idiot.

“Yeah, baby.” Shane smiled. “So, you know Mr. Bergara…” He said, with that deep tone of his that always made Ryan stop breathing. “I’m gonna be your intern now, sir.”

“Uh…”

“I wonder if there may be a way to keep you happy so I won’t have any problems…”

“Shane—“

“Mr. Bergara,” He said, smirking while arching an eyebrow. “Would you take care of me?”

Well. This is why he always felt fucked with this man. No like if he was complaining.

*******

******

*****

 

**Author's Note:**

> Shane, Shane is the porn star.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Maybe I'll see you on [my tumblr](http://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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